I am. You are.

I celebrate that I blogged 31 days in March! I will finish the SOLSC from the same place where I started, my favourite writing place, my living room sofa. Same place. Different time. Sun shines brightly in through the window and the chaffinches loudly announce the start of spring Saturday. I have already finished my first cup of tea. My family is still soundly asleep. They stayed up late last night cleaning the apartment, making eclairs, and baking carrot-walnut cookies. All in preparation for my birthday party. My parents, sis, two nephews, three cousins, and their children are coming today, and we'll celebrate my birthday, my dad'd birthday, and easter. The three celebrations each deserve their own cake. The three cakes wait patiently in the fridge: savory salmon-broccol quiche, tiramisu, whipped cream and strawberry sponge cake. All home made with love.
Writing the slices has been like cooking. Sometimes following a recipe, taking the freedom to change the recipe, and sometimes cooking with what you can find, mixing it together without a plan. Most importantly each slice had love as one ingredient. I hope that the slices have nourished you, pleased your taste buds, and left you with yummy feeling in your minds.

I started with an introduction. I'll finish with a little poemish gift. I appreciate that you, my dear reader, find time to visit, and leave comments like virtual hugs.

I am the gentle sound.
You are the listening ear.
I am the passing time.
You are the memorable moment.
I am the questions.
You are the answers.
I am the whirl of emotions.
You are the calming breath.
I am the budding idea.
You are the supportive words.
I am an open book.
You are the caring readers.
I am the blue sky.
You ar the spring sunshine.
I am the cozy sofa.
You are the soft fleece.
I am the warm tea.
You are the sweet honey.


How do you plan to celebrate the end of SOLSC and the end of March and the end of this week? 

The SOLSC reflection.

A day off on Friday. The feeling of freedom fills me. Where I go and what I do today is my choice. It is my choice to open my laptop and write before breakfast. It was my choice to blog every single day in March. With two days to go it is my choice to reflect on what my take aways are from the eighth time I participated in this challenge. 

1. Trust. I started the challenge without much preparation with a hope that I will find "a duck" daily, trusting that ideas will arrive, and the words will appear. It is not entirely true that you opened the laptop and words just floated to the page. The trust is not so much in the ideas and words showing up but rather in trusting myself that life is rich, and  the various moments, events, ideas, thoughts and words showing up are fine to have, and I'll be able to make the choice of what to write down. It is the trust in the readers. Believing that they are caring and allow me to be who I am, knowing they will accept what I have to offer, and connect with my words. The readers will catch me when I am falling, lift me up when I am down, and cheer together with me when I am celebrating.

2. Letting go of judgment. This is a lesson I am still working on. I wrote how scared I was to share my photos from the photography class. I have had similar fears of judgment with writing. The fear of someone else deciding whether I am good or bad is easier to put aside than the judgment I put upon myself. There is the judgment whether my writing is good enough. I have learned to look at my writing with understanding that it is getting better the more I write. Seeing it as a learning journey lessens the need to compare with texts that I admire. Instead of feeling bad I take the learning stance to try out craft moves and structures I admire. It's ok to have days when it doesn't come out as good as I envision. Keeping the playful mind helps.  The worse judgment is whether I am good and interesting enough. This judgment can even block all the kind words others say or write. Mindfulness and self-compassion have supported me here. Humor helps. I am not my thoughts. I am what I eat. I am a comforting cinnamon roll and refreshing mint tea.

3. Gratitude. The third key to making the challenge experience possible is the understanding that gratitude creates abundance. Instead of thinking how busy I am I appreciate how rich my life is, how many opportunities to learn I have, how many opportunities I have to make a difference in the lives of students and teachers. Instead of thinking how much time writing takes I appreciate how making writing a daily habit forces me to use time wisely, be creative in finding slots of time to write, and
nudges me to catch thoughts quickly to write when time is scarce. I am grateful that the writing challenge invites to live with open eyes, provides so much inspiration when reading other slices, makes me smile when reading comments, and allows to write my story, my life, in a way that I wish.

Yesterday my friends and I went to a vegan restaurant. While we were waiting for our food, we picked some quotes from glass jar labelled "Good thoughts." At first I got a bit dark quote from Dostoevsky. I made a choice to pick another one. It seemed to fit perfectly for last night and for the writing challenge and for life. 

Happy Writing! 

A book spine poem

Thank you, Amy and Leigh Anne, for the reminder to create a book spine poem. I have created book spine poems almost every year I have participated at SOLSC during the past years.  


As the challenge approaches the finish line, it may feel that the ideas and words are done, exhausted, and there is nothing to write about. Book Spine poetry is a playful way to write. So many choices of titles, so many choices of arranging them, so many possibilities. When I thought of the books to use for today, I knew instantly about the books I had seen in Grade 3 classroom next door. I'll share my poem, the covers of the books, and a page from each to get you curious in case you have not read the books. I hope this will give you inspiration and nudge in case you didn't know what to write today.

Wild ideas

Any questions?

What do you do with an idea?

The most Magnificent Thing

Wild Ideas

What Do You Do With an Idea

The Most Magnificent Thing

Any questions?

I hope that you will have words floating around that spark an idea. Capture them gently and write them down.

Write it down

Once again we have settled for the morning slice of life writing in the class. Today the mentor text was my "Right Now" from yesterday, and we made a list of additional verbs we could use. I invited them to try writing from the present moment and they also had a choice to write any other slice if they wished. I wonder how many are writing what they see-do-think right now and how many are writing another slice about their early morning. They would have plenty to record from this short morning writing. But they don't seem to be writing at all.
S. has put down his pencil, picked up a pair of scissors, and tries different angles to reflect the sun into O's eyes. O is balancing himself on a bouncy ball, face all concentrated, staring at his journal, ignoring S. F. is nestled deep in a red armchair holding his pencil above his journal as if magic could happen and words would pour from the pencil onto the page. H is fascinated with observing what R is doing next to him on the blue sofa. I sincerely hope he is drafting sentences in his head. R is taking time to decide whether to pick up a pencil or a piece of bread that he had brought into the classroom and placed next to his journal on the oval coffee table in front of the sofa.
When I glance at I and C, they are writing.
I turn back to the not-yet-writing boys, and produce my most enthusiastic teacher voice.
"O, look at S, holding the scissors. Write it down. S, what are you thinking? Write it down. F,  what do you feel? Write it down. H, do you see the piece of bread on the table? Write it down. R, what are you doing? Write it down," I cheer to them.
Boys look at me as if I have lost my mind completely, put their pencils on the paper and write. Do they write what I suggested? I don't know. It could be that they return to writing about breakfast. I can understand them. Today would be a perfect day to write about my breakfast. I had a large poppy seed roll, soft and sweet, and mint tea for breakfast.

Right now

Right now I am:

:: sitting in a blue armchair in a cafe on the fourth floor of a building

:: looking through large windows toward old town with its church towers

:: drinking herb tea from a blue low ceramic cup

:: waiting for my husband to arrive to have dinner together

:: hoping he won’t get stuck in the traffic

:: worrying a bit that the wait might be long

:: seeing the cars tightly lined up and moving snail slowly on the street below

:: smiling at the sight of baby daffodils, a gift from a friend, peeking from a paper bag on a chair next to me

:: planning to continue reading a book called “Südamekool” (Heart School) - a gift from another friend

:: accepting getting a year older, not that it makes me happy as it did when I was a child

:: cheering to my mind that keeps learning

:: appreciating my healthy flexible body

:: feeling my sore muscles from waltzing yesterday

:: pushing aside any school thoughts, though they still find a way to return

:: watching the sun reflecting from the rooftops

:: listening to the mellow murmur of people 

:: catching random words without context

:: wishing  you, my dear readers, wonderful words to write and read to fill your soul



My dear hubby got stuck in the traffic. I drank several cups of tea, wrote my slice and read the book. 
The following sentence (rough translation) spoke to my heart:
"Sometimes seemingly empty time, like waiting, turns out to be fulfilling."


Previous Right Now posts

write what you think

We can either "think of something to write about" or we can write what we happen to think about.

 -from Julia Cameron's "The Right to Write"-

The other day I sat down and gave myself 10 minutes to write. The words gladly slid down my fingers onto the page. "I can do it! I can write!" I cheered to myself. 

I am back on the sofa, with mint tea in a glass cup on a low round coffee table next to me, no one else at home. Perfect conditions for writing. But the words don't come. Instead they look back at me asking, "What do you want to say?" 

"I don't know," I answer honestly. I have had very intensive two months. Travels. Workshops. Exciting learning. Wonderful sites to see. Teaching and leadership work continued. Add a photography class. Input. Input. Input. Not enough rest. My brain demands some down time to rest, and then time to sort and organise what I have learned, plan what I have to do for the rest of the school year,  

On my way home today I thought of drafting a slice in my head. I thought about the contrast of the scary blizzard in the early morning on my way to school and the bright sun on my way back making me almost believe that spring might arrive. I came up with the one sentence I shared with you. I thought why I write anyway, and the only two reasons I came up with were: I might be crazy (knowing how busy I am why did I choose to participate in SOL?) or I like playing with words (calling my blog my writing playground). I vote for the second option.

I came close to  skip writing today. Almost gave up. Then thought again about the idea of playing. 

"What would be my game today?" I asked myself, took out my Kindle, turned to Julia Cameron for help. The quote above was the second one I had highlighted. My whole body relaxed. 

This I could do. A listening game. 

Celebrate

You don't know what to write
on this morning of stillness

Lifting a line from Kristiina Ehin's New Moon Morning I wrote my own little poemish slice

**********************

You don't know what to write
on this morning of stillness
don't believe words can
don't dare to capture
moment so tender
gentle breaths
sleeping hearts
feelings waltzing
to the tune of motherly love
hoping for quiver of perfect to last
and not leave
and not change
You set free the dream of forever
let go let go let go
softly falling
first rays of light catching you
and you don't know
write
on this morning of stillness

*********************

I celebrate that after a long time all my three daughters were at home.

10 minute writing

Place: my laptop, living room sofa, my home, Kohila, Estonia
Time: morning, the rest of the family (all three daughters at home, yeee!) still sleeping, after breakfast, before going to a vision conference at a local gymnasium as the school board member.
Goal: to write my slice in ten minutes before I have to leave home

Timer on, here I go.

I introduced the idea of SOL to my students. We talked about various possibilities for slices, I shared some examples, and we made a simple list of characteristics for SOL - short, personal, every day moment, rich detail, you care about it. Every morning I gave a mini-mini-mini lesson on craft to try out, and 10 minutes to write. Whenever I had an opportunity, I pointed out, during lunch, after recess, when they told stories, that these might make good slices. Every day I sat down with them to write my slice to model myself as a teacher writer. On some days I shared my blog posts with them, the ones where they were included. After few days we looked at what different people had written about.
I was surprised and puzzled when I found out that day after day several boys wrote about their morning. I understand writing about morning routine,  have often written it myself, but day after day, when their lives are rich with school lessons and breaks, after school activities and home life, it made little sense. When I asked them about the choice they had made, one of them commented that we always wrote in the morning, and morning at home was the only thing in his memory.
My take away: Vary the time of writing
My wondering: Does the time when I write influence what I write about?

Time is up, and I should go.
Last words: this was an interesting experiment with the timer. I added few bits to the beginning and it took me 12 minutes altogether to write this slice, including some editing (mistakes may still appear) but not revision.

teachers reflecting

As I promised in yesterday's slice, here is more about the small group teacher reflections.


Walking, walking, walking, on the street by the Vltava river in Prague, heading at the direction of the Karlov Bridge, I was supposed to think of the a story for an workshop assignment. No stories. Blank moment. Only cold chill  trying to creep into my body, and freeze my brain. Even though the workshop assignment was due the next day, the question "What to do during the next team meeting?" demanded my attention. No matter how I tried to ignore, it kept popping bigger and bigger. If this is what needed my attention, let it be.
The meetings this year have been from essential agreements, thinking of inquiry, collaborative planning of units, looking at student work, reflecting on units and planners, more planning, seeing that the elements of the planner align, seeing that the assessments and learning engagements align with the central ideas and lines of inquiry. All useful. What might be valuable next?
A little plan started to form. I could see how my readings and workshops* from this year, the ideas of agency and self-directed learners, nurtured the plan.
When the plan had some shape, I let it rest, and returned to the assignment.
Later I wrote down both the assignment and the idea.
Few days later, back in Tallinn, I shared my plan with a colleague, and we played around with a little more.

Here is the letter I sent out to my team:

Dear All,

As the student-led-conferences are approaching, we will have an opportunity. to experience it in a smaller format this Thursday.

What? We will have small group teacher reflection/sharing sessions.

Why? We do this 

• to gain an understanding wha tit feels like for students to prepare for a conference.
• to reflect in order to grow
• to learn from each other
• to celebrate our learning

How?

We will be in groups of three sharing reflections and evidence of its impact on student learning.

Quick big group sharing

At the end of the session we will reflect on the experience.

To prepare for the meeting:

1. You can use most or all of the questions below, you can add your own reflection questions, and share with others. Think of the questions and prepare a reflection (paper, print or voice recording or video) You do't have to submit it but take it with you for the sharing session. When you have things written down, you will remember better. 

2. Choose what is some evidence you might share on how your learning has impacted a particular student and/or a group of students and/or the whole class.

The reflection questions:

What have you learned this year?

What is something that you do that you feel has been a success that you can share with others?

How have you grown?

What are you like as a learner?

What might be some areas you are curious to explore in more depth?

What might be some ways to improve student learning in your class?

I hope we will learn about ourselves and others and have fun along the way!

Warm regards,

Terje

Last afternoon, we had the meeting. In different rooms of the building, triads shared their reflections and showed what they wished to show.

When the groups eventually returned, I asked two more questions:

"What is something you learned about your colleague's learning?"

and

"How might this experience allow you to support your students in getting ready for the student-led conferences?"

Many of the answers pointed out the growth in becoming more aware and intentional with speech and actions, especially in stepping away and giving the learners more choice, time and ownership for their learning. Growing their agency. A lot was about us being the inquiry teachers. 

For me this is very important. The best way to improve learner agency in children is to have agency as adults, to be the role model, to have the learner mindset, to be the inquirer, the be the self-directed learner. 

You can understand now why the yesterday's weather did not bother me too much.

*Big thank you to Kath Murdoch and Ochan Kusuma-Powell for pushing my thinking and helping me to grow as an inquiry teacher and team leader.

a nice teacher lady in a snow storm

Seriously?! More snow? Blizzard? Marching through the fierce slushy snow storm, and marching is the only way to move forward, toward the train station after school, I am not sure whether to laugh or cry. It's too bizarre, on the second day of official spring, to see, more like to feel and experience this weather, because I can't see further than my toes.  I thought I was so witty and creative yesterday writing my slice about snow queen as an impeccably dressed female leader. I even showed compassion, suggested self-care. No kindness from her in return. Then again, she is an executive leader and not a nice teacher lady, that I am. And as a nice teacher lady, I don't laugh or cry, but accept that the weather is what it is, and I can do nothing about it. I can just pull my hat lower, wrap my scarf tighter, and march faster. Maybe it is good that yesterday evening I went to a mindfulness lesson, and the topic was emotions and acceptance. My inner weather is calm and springy. The little birds in my heart chirp joyfully because the afternoon meeting, where teachers shared their reflections in small groups*, showed once again that I have an awesome team of inquiry teachers.

* more about this tomorrow

When I walked home last night in the darkness, I saw this heart glowing in a park.
You understand that I had to take the photo.

Snow queen - you need some rest

What might be the reasons you want to make an appearance when it is an official first day of spring?
Your soft white fabric dress is perfectly tailored, impeccably cut. You appear confident, authoritative, powerful. The icy white pearls you added this morning are the final perfect touch to show you are the leader.
I wonder if someone challenged you that you need to show your teeth, biting with the cold, showing that you are in charge. You are the boss.
There is no competition. You, and your three sisters, are all strong and capable and competent leaders in your nature field. You are knowledgeable, creative and hard working. You are experts, no doubt. You have proven it over and over again. You have expertise on how to change the world, to make things happen, to take action. You have impact. The world is in balance and harmony when you work together.
Have you forgotten about self-care?
Take a break.
A bit of sleep. A bit of fun. A bit of pampering.
Or maybe I am misjudging you, making unfair inferences. Maybe all you are doing is helping out Spring Spirit. Maybe she is frail, not ready, yet, to make her full appearance. You show compassion. You read the environment,  took the temperature of the situation, quickly thought on your feet, improvised,  and took an executive decision to change the game plan.
Sorry for the misunderstanding. It is not easy being a leader and everyone having their expectations, not seeing what you see, and someone always disagreeing with your decisions.
I hope your sister will get well soon and will return to us in full glory.
And you can go, have a cup of tea and read a book.

Snow queen last year

I used some words and phrases from my women in leadership workshop to write about winter on the first day of spring.

One more cup of tea in Prague

Yesterday, around noon, I joined five women in a hotel lobby cafe, and ordered a cup of mint tea. The waiter brought a wooden tray with a shiny white tea pot, a low white porcelain tea cup and a tiny jar of honey.  I poured the tea, admiring how it formed a calm steaming pool. The first sip slowly flowed into my body. Returning from a walk in the windy wintery city the warmth of the tea was welcome. We, five female educators, sat drinking tea, a moment of rest after intensive learning and before heading to the airport to journey home.
Women around a table drinking tea. Women around fire. Women telling stories.
Our last workshop was for female leaders learning how to tell our stories so others would hear our voice. Being a leader is like walking in the windy wintery city. You see the beauty, you know where you are heading, but the wind is unpredictable, and you never know which way it turns, when it bites, or a blizzard forms. Then you need to find what brings you warmth, helps you calm, and gives you strength to keep going. It is valuable to have others around you, whom you can trust, who understand, listen, and support you, and share a cup of tea.

Joining Leigh Anne's party

On Saturday night we had a grand Gala Dinner in a St. Agnes Cloister in Prague. Hundreds of educators from international schools celebrated the end of CEESA conference. Round tables with white table cloths, candles and flowers stood on the stone floor under the high arches of the  Gothic style building. Many people were dressed for the occasion, not as nuns and monks, but women wore dresses and high heels, and men were in suits and ties. Some had opted for more practical clothes in the cold weather, a bitt fancier blouse, trousers and sweater.  I go for the warm over beauty look when it's cold. 
Five years ago I had danced in Lobkovicz Palace in Prague for a similar event.
No dancing this time for me, because I left early to get enough sleep for a post conference sessions on women in leadership.
Today I think I am ready for another party. It doesn't matter that it is Monday. This party lasts the whole March. It doesn't matter that I still have a workshop session until noon and a flight home. One can join the party at any time during a day from any location.
Leigh Anne invited people to a party.  You can join too.


I am bringing

A favorite book: As any reader knows choosing a favorite is a mission impossible. Considering who joins the party I would bring "The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore." After reading this book we would write about our joys and sorrows, of all that we knew, and of everything we hoped for. This is what Morris did, because his life was a book of his own writing, one orderly page after another.

A favorite person: again a tough choice. I'd like to bring my whole family. Today I will make a different choice and bring my director. She is the one running the workshop for 30 female school leaders. You would get to learn from her, and you would hear many stories. She is a wonderful story teller.

A favorite food: No kidding, but this is a challenge too. When on a conference I eat way more than at home. There's the hotel breakfast, and then snacks you want to sample during coffee breaks, and a lunch buffet, and then dinner in the evening. My stomach is full. Last night we ate at a Thai restaurant. I won't come empty handed. I'll bring cheese and nuts. "Nuts for the nuts," my friend used to say, and aren't we all a bit nuts for writing every day for a whole month. Nuts in a very good way.

A favorite song: Ed Sheeran's Perfect. This song invites me to Vienna waltz.

A surprise: Dixit - a board game. If you haven't played it before, I hope you will try.

Let's have fun!

Celebrate

During the last session of the conference on Saturday, I sat in a large conference hall, filled with rows of chairs, and listened to Dr. Cathrine Steiner-Aidar sharing what the research says about the dangers of digital distractions and what we need to do to empower young learners and adults to practice self-care in a world where we are so attached to our digital devices. I sat in the front row, holding a white narrow tea cup with warm berry fusion, a cup I had brought, like many others, after a coffee break.  She had asked us not to take out our devices, so I left my I-Pad in my bag. Suddenly I caught myself thinking what a wonderful picture I could take of the tea cup in my hand and then post it either on Instagram or the blog. I have never thought of myself as a very tech person, I don't have a smartphone, but looking at data - I am on different social media, check my emails more than once a day, often have my laptop open in the evening - it seems that maybe I am more attached to my devices than I'd like to admit. I do not regret blogging or Instagram or Twitter. Each has enriched my life in some way. What I do have to do is to collect more data on how much and how often I am on the device and then decide if I am still in charge or the technology has taken over.

I celebrate the learning that has happened this week. nothing completely new, just many different things forming a stronger connection in my head and little pieces falling into place to see how all different learnings work together and compliment each other. The key words and phrases from this conference have been: thinking classrooms, asking questions, difficult conversations, polarity management, language toolbox, choice and voice,  empower and inspire.

I celebrate that I have been able to write slices for 18 days in a row during a busy busy month. I don't know whether the change has come from the experience from previous years or from the mindfulness  I have practiced or from my OLW "open" but I have worried less and the words have come easier than ever before. I enjoy writing. What doesn't mean that the writer's block won't suddenly land on the 25th day of writing, but then I hope I am equipped with enough ideas and structures and craft moves to overcome it, even if  with only few lines and words.

I celebrate another unusual weekend away from home, filled with learning, visiting a beautiful European capital. My memories of the last visit to Prague were so warm that the cold that met me this time has not lessened how much I like this city. Below are some pictures I took this time.



Friday view from the hotel

Friday afternoon walk:

Saturday morning:

Learning, tweeting and a book

"Shall we sit by the wall?" my colleague points to two blue chairs by the wall as we enter the third workshop session at the CEESA conference called "Empowering Leaners."
"Why not," I reply and we walk to the chairs. These are left here from the previous session when people kept coming and coming and coming to the room that was meant for 30 participants. Each new person brought another chair until the room was packed with 63 participants. Fran Prolman's session about student agency had drawn people in.
"It seems there will be enough room at the tables too. Should we move?" my friend wonders even though she already has her notebook, pencil, and phone in her hands on her lap.
"We are fine here," I answer, and dig my I-Pad out from my bag.
Most of the seats are taken to listen to Garfield Gini-Newman talk about thinking classrooms. Several people are the same as during the first session. I am one of them. With many choices I decided to continue with what I liked in the morning.
"Will you tweet?" my friend asks, while opening the Twitter app on her phone
"I'll try," I say, "Since Fran Prolman made us tweet our learning in her session, we might try tweeting here too."

I have been on Twitter for more than four years. I am still not, yet, used to the practice of tweeting during events. I usually forget.

The first tweet is what Fran Prolman asked us to create based on our take away:

The next two are from the session about Thinking Classrooms

Two tweets in one session was my limit. I am too slow in composing tweets so it takes my mind off the speaker, and I'd prefer to pay attention than to connect with the wider world.

I understand and appreciate twitter as a tool for learning. At the same time my love for learning from books has not diminished at all. So when there was an opportunity to buy a book that the presenter had written, I did so without hesitation.

I retweet the keynote speaker's tweet too. I didn't tweet during the keynote. I took a photo of Ziauddin Yousafzai, Malala's father.

I sat in the third row. 

He spoke passionately about the importance of education and what has allowed him to empower Malala. I heard that during a workshop session later, he told stories of struggles young girls in many countries go through in order to get their education, and the workshop participants were moved to tears.  My friend and I discussed how lucky we are to have the education that we have and all the learning opportunities now that allow us to grow and improve.

It is best to finish with Ziauddin's words:

a short poemish slice

Two friends,
former colleagues,
one from Tallinn, Estonia,
the other from Frankfurt, Germany,
meet in Prague, Czech Republic.
6:30 p.m. in a hotel lobby.
Tight hugs.
I've missed you!
How are you?
Hours of walking.
I'm glad it's not raining.
Two cups of mint tea.
Hours of talking.
The joys and the sorrows.
The falls and the triumphs.
The past and the future.
The now.
A photo for memory.
Tight hugs.
Sleep well.
A learning day ahead.
Huge conference.
Different sessions.
What if we don't meet?
We will.
Life of an international school teacher.

After the exhibition

I don't feel anything anymore. It's done. I survived the official opening of a photo exhibition as the final lesson for the eight week documentary photography class that I took. Prior to the exhibition a press release was published, Facebook event created, posters printed. I shared the invitation only with my three best friends.

After putting up my pictures, I wanted to pull back my invitation. The idea that my friend, an art teacher, had helped me to put together, didn't work because by the time I arrived all the wall spaces were taken by large photo stories and round columns by other photos. All that was left was a rectangular column and my pictures ended on two sides, breaking the whole into two separate views. I felt like a poor peasant at a city hall reception. I felt I didn't belong. Thankfully mindfulness helped. "It is what it is" makes a good mantra in a situation like this.

The opening was as scary as I had thought it would be and a little bit more. To have people looking at the photos when you are present is bad. Having to speak about your photos publicly is even worse. Thankfully my friends came. Everyone was very friendly at the event, and having friends who know me well next to me made me feel braver. The event had sugar cookies, grapes, pretzels and juice. The teacher had invited a friend, a known Estonian poet. The teacher played a guitar, and both of them sang. Then we took turns speaking about our photos and the poet or the teacher commented too. All positive. An official photographer, not one of the course people, took pictures. My friends gave me flowers and chocolate. Reading this I know my fears were irrational.  So all in all the event was scary, warm and beautiful.

Yesterday Susan form readingteachsu left a comment on my post: "Interesting that you can publish your blog daily and receive commentary but your photos on display without comment is frightening."  Today my friend reminded that I have presented in front of larger audiences in big auditoriums. These situations are different. I publish my blog posts usually form the safety of my living room sofa. Susan doesn't know that when I started eight years ago, I was so scared that I wrote under an alias.  To the audiences I speak about educational topics - something I know well, and could even call myself an expert in. Maybe if I continue learning photography and keep taking pictures then in ten or twenty years I might be happy and excited to have an exhibition. This time I think it was too early for me. Or maybe I never want to have an exhibition. My joy comes from the learning. Like with dancing. My husband and I have danced for almost two decades, and I have no wish to perform, ever.

The exhibition will be open for public for four days.

I can empathise more than ever with the students who have to present when they feel they are not ready, yet.



This is how I hoped to display my photos.




Individual photos with titles. My set of photos was called "No Food in the Library." Reading and eating give everyone senses and memories, and not touching books with greasy fingures that each adult has engraved in their brain. Rules are words, we can think of the words in and behind the rules, and change and bend them depending on the context and perspectives.  If we thin of a library (in Estonian: raamatukogu) as a collection of books (In Estonian: raamatute kogu) then library could be considered also as a collection of boos at home or at the store, and instead borrowing we can think of libraries as playgrounds, places of food for thought and pleasure. Food and reading have no borders. the viewer can easily place her/himself in Skopje, Warsaw, Tallinn and Kohila, reflecting wishes that would nurturer the body and soul. 

ATTENTION

Macedonia, Skopje, Prashka 27. 09.02.2018

DRINK

Estonia, Kohila, Kapa 1. 27.02.2018 

EAT

Macedonia, Skopje, Prashka 27. 09.02.2018 

HUNGER

Estonia, Tallinn, Juhkentali 18. 09.03.2018 

PLAY

Estonia, Tallinn, Juhkentali 18. 09.03.2018 

LOVE

Poland, Warsaw, Panska 3. 03.03.2018 

THINK

Macedonia, Skopje, Prashka 27. 09.02.2018