Hello, new year and new OLW!

This is the strangest second of January in years. I do not have an official school holiday since I am no longer a teacher. I had home office work day. This meant that I was alone in the comfort of of my living room, like it used to be during holidays. My work today was to read and write. Sounds like a winter break kind of a day, only the subject was not my choosing. 

The work day is over. I already made and ate some fish soup, washed my dishes and cleaned the kitchen counters. A Hello Kitty clock tick-tocks the rhythm of seconds passing. I started my morning with some quiet writing inspired by Beth Kempton's Winter Writing Sanctuary. I wrote for the work during a day. I choose to write my slice and share my OLW now.  Counts as a good day even if not a day off. 

Since my last year turned out to be a year of big change and my OLW "visible" nudged me to a speaker contest, neither of which was planned or envisioned when I started 2023, then I do not know now, what is that I need - more of the grand and show-offish or rather something quieter and inward looking. I probably need both in my life. So what kind of word would help here? First the word "playfulness" tapped on my shoulder, followed by "commitment" and "focus" and then "ease." None of them were quite right. 

Eventually I understood that more than anything else I need to manage my energy, whether it is directing it (focus), sharing it (shine) or restoring it (inward). 

So welcome my OLW 2024 - Energy. Let's see what the year will bring and how the word will do its magic. I'll keep "playful" as a support word. 

Looking forward to reading other OLW slices. 

Previous OLW posts

I was playful with AI:

One Little Word

Cleaning some drawers that I had not opened for a while, I found a small, palm-fitting size notebook. It has thick handmade paper pages with rough edges, artistic binding, covers of blue leather tied together with thin brown leather ribbons. I opened it. On the first page was my name. On the second page my very first One Little Word "Write" that I chose in 2012. Three more words followed - spark, strawberry, what if - and that was it. 2015 was the last time I wrote in this notebook. 

It was not the last time I chose the word. Once I preferred a phrase. "Be calm and make magic" in 2016, "Story" in 2017, "Open" in 2018, "Dare" in 2019, "Thrive" in 2020, "Cake" in 2021, and "Bold" in 2022. 

Today I took time and wrote these words on the pages of the notebook. The words fill one fifth of a book, it means I could keep going for another four decades, all the way until I am ninety. This is a rather interesting prospect.

First I have to choose One Little Word for this year. 

For some years I have thought of choosing "visible" as my word and I have backed off feeling that I ma not ready for it. Last year, when I chose "bold," I promised that this would prepare me for "visible" this year. Even in December I was sure I knew my word, and then all sorts of thoughts arrived. 

I think the voices belonged to the cousins of the little critic. "You are so vain choosing this word. Do you think of becoming a tik-tokker? It's too strong of a word for you, you can't take it. Are you ready to hear criticism form others? There's nothing to show. If you choose this word, you have to show both the pretty and the ugly. The word will make you vulnerable." They were so convincing that for a while I was on a search for a different word.

Writing the previous words down in the notebook today, I decided to let go of the doubtful voices, and choose "visible" as the One Little Word for 2023. I acknowledge it has the element of vulnerability in it and at the same time it has the strong belief in myself. 

Last year I went through a period of struggle when I had to question and rethink my identity, I played and searched who could I be, I was ready to make a big change. The big change did not happen. Who knows what this is good for or why this staying put was necessary for now. During the process I was able to see myself from a different perspective and I feel I am ready to share a bit more of myself with the world.  

I have no desire to get twenty tattoos, colour my hair purple and start a Tik-Tok channel. I would like to share more of my thoughts in LinkedIn, tell about my experience as a teacher and leader, promote my coaching skills, and show myself outside educational circles. Besides being more visible publicly I have a personal wish to make my creative writing ideas visible on paper. 

I am sure that this word, like the previous ones, will bring some surprises, at the same time I trust it will work its magic in my benefit. 

For the fun of it I searched for some quotes and found one that spoke to me the best:

All OLW posts.

bold step 1

Sometimes being bold means going to a photo shoot without any make up. Grappling with an idea of turning fifty and choosing "Bold" as my one little word for a year, this is exactly what I did. I signed up for a black and white natural woman photo shoot session. People who are friends with a camera might just shrug their shoulders, but for me this was a serious step out of my comfort zone. Most of the time, with the few exceptions, I don't like seeing myself on the photos, I am not too happy to see myself in the mirror either. Trusting in the photographer I believed that perhaps she would be able to capture at least one frame that I would look with acceptance. 

The photo shoot was in a small studio. I knew the photographer from a photo journalism course some years ago. She made me stand and sit and lean and look in different directions. We talked about age and beauty, children and our own childhood, work and learning and life in general, all the while she snapped photos. I started stiff and uncomfortable, approached her instructions with a playful attitude ,and eventually relaxed and even enjoyed the experience. 

And then I waited for the link to the photos to arrive in my mailbox, so I could choose my favourites. Before this happened, she posted one photo on her facebook and instagram page. This was part of the agreement, so I knew she would do it. 

Seeing the photo she chose, I had a moment of total dread. I thought that if she saw this as the most beautiful picture of me, I must be the first client she hadn't been able to take any beautiful photos. I sat with my thought and my feeling, and decided to let them go, and accept that there must have been something she saw in it, if she dared to put this up as a photo to advertise her job as a photographer.  

When the photos arrived I was amazed at what I saw. Many pictures I liked and made me feel beautiful. I actually had hard time choosing just five. I asked my husband's and my daughter's opinion and they both chose one photo, either one that I wouldn't have chosen. I was reminded that the way others see me is probably different from my own image of me.  

Today I'll be bold and share the photo that the photographer chose. Here I am, natural without make up, on the cusp of turning fifty:

photo by Birgit Varblane

on turning 50

my OLW - Bold

One Little Word

Yesterday evening my husband and I went to a dance lesson. The moment of leaving home is the hardest. After a long school day, the first one after the winter holidays, after having had dinner, and a piece of chocolate, after having experienced the comfort of the living room sofa, with books, Tv and phone competing for attention, the cold and dark outside are most uninviting, and both the body and mind protest loudly at the idea of getting up, getting dressed and getting out. I am thankful that my husband doesn't let me succumb to leisure.

Yesterday we practiced cha-cha. Having taken dance lessons for more than 15 year, one would think that we'd be masters in dancing. I dare to say that sometimes we do look and feel fabulous. Then again, if the lessons happen only once a week, there are ten different dances and the teacher keeps teaching new things, we often have the feeling that everything gets mixed up in our head and feet, and we have no clue where to step or turn. I am thankful that the teacher has patience to show the steps over and over, and lets us practice over and over, and suddenly everything clicks in place. I feel the rhythm, my feet and body move fast, and we go through the multi sequence routine without a glitch. I feel like a dance queen. 

Finishing the ninety minute lesson with the last cha-cha, slightly out of breath, sweat trickling done the back, muscles not usually in use loudly reminding of their existence, I thought of choosing cha-cha as my one little word. It has passion and beauty, and mastering its complexity gives such a satisfaction. It would go wonderfully with some of my previous words like "Cake" and "Strawberry" and "Spark". 

I'll keep that word as a supportive word, because another word had appeared in my writing when I was playing with the ideas in my journal, one that goes more with "What if" and "Dare" and "Thrive", a word that would help me to be strong. I need a strong word this year.

I wrote a list of words to show what I'd like to be: healthy, productive, creative, bold, compassionate, engaging, balanced, calm, systematic, joyful, dedicated, visible, thriving, generous. I realised that in front of many of the words I can put "I am" and the one word that needs more attention is "Bold". I wish to be more bold. I need to be more bold. 

To confirm my choice I checked the dictionary.

Bold - showing willingness to take risks, confident and courageous. Synonyms: adventurous, gutsy, daring, brave.  Sounds very much like what I need for this year.

Bold also means having strong, vivid or clear appearance, likely to attract attention, brilliant, eye-catching, remarkable. Sounds very much like cha-cha. 

Bold is my One Little word for this year. 

My previous OWL posts. 

OLW 2021

Today is Saturday. The first Saturday of this year. Like often on Saturdays I am sitting on my living room sofa and writing a blog post. My first blog post this year. First Sharing Our Stories post. The invitation is to write off a word.  One Little Word.

Reflecting on my OLW 2020 Thrive, I thought I had chosen my new word in November. As the year came closer to the end I started doubting in my choice. I felt I wasn't ready for the word I had in mind. I decided to look for a new word. During different years the OLWs have arrived in different ways, some easily, some after more deliberate searching. They have worked their magic similarly with different effect, some softer, some stronger. How others discover their words and how the words guide their lives is always fascinating to read. 

The universe, or the internet, must have read my mind. On the last day of the year I stumbled across a text on Instagram that included a sentence: "Believe that 2020 was all about finding what you need to thrive before you are launched forward into something amazing." It seemed that "Launch" should follow "Thrive." I kind of liked the idea. I pulled out my journal and wrote down several ideas about launching. Launching projects for health. learning, home and writing. Following the idea of boats travelling on the ocean I added how navigation should include keeping my eye on the horizon, using maps, and be aware of the currents and wind. Building on this I wrote about managing resources, both time and energy. I went to sleep with a satisfied heart for I thought I had made good progress with my OLW.

Yesterday afternoon I realised that "launch" is one time word and would not sustain me throughout the year. I needed something that would help me to keep going. And then I remembered some wise words from a mole in The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse. 

"Cake" sounds like a perfect one little word for a year. 

Never mind that as a verb its not helpful. 

Never mind that its definition is basically a string of ingredients. 

Never mind that the quotes won't win inspiration awards.

"Cake" brings a smile to my face. A happy word. A great motivator. A sweet celebration. Just what I need to keep going as I launch my projects and execute my plans for 2021. Most of the time it will be a supportive symbolic idea of a cake in my mind and I hope there will be several occasions when I get to eat cake and drink tea in the company of wonderful people. 

The power of one little word

Writing invitation: Use a definition for inspiration for your writing

Thriving -  the psychological state in which people experience a sense of both vitality and learning. 

Thriving individuals are growing, developing, and energised rather than feeling stagnated or depleted.

I found this explanation of thriving from an article How to Thrive When Everything Feels Terrible

"Thrive" is my One Little Word for 2020. Little did I know in January what kind of a year 2020 would turn out to be. I am amazed how one word, an intention for a year, a focus for the time being, a reminder on the back of the mind, this one little word turns out to be a powerful source for finding strength when needed. 

In my mind thriving is easy when the weather is good, light and color brighten the day that stretches out with ample time to do enjoyable activities in the company of lovely people. Yet the word is most supportive when the conditions are opposite. 

With the virus situation creating doom-like feeling in the world, and the second wave like a circle closing tighter and tighter, the November days getting darker and darker with only few hours of daylight if even that with grey rainclouds shadowing everything,  and the nature turning into brown decaying mush, it would be so easy to go hide, to give up, to soak in sadness. Of course I have moments when I worry, and things happening around me that affect my every day life cause stress to crawl up my throat and my heart crunch. Occasionally a wish to howl and growl and bawl surfaces. On some afternoons I am so tired that I land on a sofa like a rag doll. My OLW nudges me to wake up early, exercise and stick to my mindfulness practice, to smile to people, to look for what is well, to lean on compassion, to celebrate the successes and joys and to grow my gratitude. 

I thrive with my students. This week we generated, evaluated and chose questions for further inquiry about children's rights, and we had a video call with  a group of children who are refugees from Nagarno Karabah conflict. My own learning fuels me. I am nerd enough to watch webinars on Friday evening or join a virtual conference on Saturday and I usually have a stack of PD books at home and another one at school ready for reading and rereading.  Sometimes the joy comes from non academic activities. One of the students brought a design for decorating our classroom door, and I let go of my carefully crafted daily plan to allow the children to cut, paste, draw and colour for as long as they needed.

I thrive in the company of my friends, like this week: a midday walk together,  an afternoon visit to a gallery, an early morning book exchange. Reminding each other to take care of our body and mind and soul has become part of our daily interaction. The kind words from my writing friends in the virtual world caress me. 

I thrive when I do things that make me happy, that fill my cup - reading, walking, writing. I finished two short story books by Estonian authors and started Christina Dalcher's Vox. Besides my morning walk before school that contributes to my daily step count, I seize the opportunities to walk during daylight, having a walking meeting during a school day or going for a photo walk on a weekend. Yesterday we had a virtual inservice day and in between the google meets I went for a walk. The light snow allowed to create some black and white photos without any filters. I have written this year more than ever before, blog posts and journal entries, snippets as part of virtual writing workshop, and some actual texts from start to end. participating in a writing retreat and writing marathon has helped me to see that I can create hours of time for writing if I choose to. Starting my Saturday with writing this blog post is a good start for a weekend. 

Thriving is a lot about the choices I deliberately make - how I spend my time, how I react to things that happen, how I speak to and about people, what I pay attention to, what I let go, and what do I feed my body and mind with. "Thrive" has been a magnificent word for 2020. I am already thinking what might my OLW for next year be. 

What about you? Do you have OLW? How has it served you? What might your next year's OLW be?

A screen shot of my yesterday's pics on my instagram account.

OLW

Second day of school, few hours of sleep at night, early start, figuring out report card templates, thousand boxes to tick on hundred pages, who says new is better than old, meeting, lesson, meeting, the world spins, no time for tea.
Friends.
Tea.
Breathing.
Time slows.
Thank you for the moment.

It was amazing how one moment with friends and a cup of tea in the middle of the day helped me to get back on feet and filled me with energy.

As the evening rolled around I was melt-away-tired. I could have made millions of excuses for not writing.  Getting ready for my tenth slice of life story challenge and I wouldn't write the first slice of the year?  I thought about the morning moment, remembering how things that matter to us fuel us.
Playful and short. I can do this and still read few pages before falling asleep.


My OLW 2020

Taking time
Hopeful heart
Regenerating resiliently
Inviting innovation
Valuing vulnerability
Embracing experiences, evolving



Previous OLW posts

Wanted: One Little Word

I don't want much. I'm looking for one little word.
How hard can it be to find a little word? Sounds easy?
This is because I haven't said what I wish the word to do.
I need a word that would:

• be ready to challenge my self-protecting ego
• force me to look deeply into me 
• help honestly assess my strengths and limitations
• limit the excuses
• nudge me out of my comfort zone 
• turn dreams and plans into action
• challenge my assumptions and thinking
• show my blind spots
• encourage me to speak with people to solve problems not to hide from them
• show compassion and care for me

See. Not one word but many show up. I wrote a long list of words. A team.
Can one word do a whole team's work?
I believe it can.

Last year I had "open" as my word. It was a mighty word that brought me many amazing learning opportunities in seven different countries, invited new interesting people in my life, and provided numerous nourishing and inspiring experiences.
The word I am thinking about has been on the list of choices on several years but I wasn't ready. It seemed too big and powerful for me.
I am not sure if I am completely ready for it, or if anyone is ever completely ready for the word, but I choose to trust it.

My One Little Word for 2019 is "Dare."  Inspired by Brene Brown. I read "Daring Greatly" some years ago. I am reading "Dare to Lead" now. And Gabi Compres' little poem gave me the last nudge.


Previous OLW posts.

OLW 2018

Happy New Year, dear friends!

---------------------------------

"Wiggle your fingers and toes, and when you are ready, open your eyes, I hope you enjoyed today's daily calm. Have a wonderful day. See you back here tomorrow," a soft voice says at the end of the morning meditation. I wiggle my fingers and toes, open my eyes, and watch as I get another lovely green circle on the Calm app calendar.

Since the I-Pad is next to me already I might as well check the emails and news before breakfast. There are few. Mostly newsletters, list letters or ads. Except for one.
An announcement from the director on the fifth day of winter holiday?

Yesterday I sat with my friends in a cafe. After one shared the news of moving to Vienna, and another announced becoming a grandmother, they looked at me and asked what my big thing for the new year would be.
"I'd like to have a quiet year. But I know for sure it's not going to happen. I was waiting for calm and easy this year, and you  know how I ended up with a new leadership role. There is always some change."

They nodded in understanding.

As an evidence to prove my point I read the announcement form the director. She will leave at the end of the school year to start as a director in another school. Super unexpected. Just a week ago we sat at the leadership meeting discussing action plan. The change of a leader is  always a big change in a small school. I am confused. Many questions. At the same time I am glad that I read the email after my morning meditation. "It is what it is." I make myself a cup of tea.

---------------------------------------

This was before Christmas. The knowledge of upcoming change is twirling on the back of my mind as I think of what word to choose for the year. "Flow" might be a good one.  "Compassion and calm" have helped me in my leadership role in the past months. I'll certainly keep these and to go for more I decide that "open" might be the best word for 2018.

Playing around with it:

Open-minded
Opne-hearted
Open for opportunities, magic and adventures.
Open doors.
Open to receive.

I hope that the word allows me to look at things without judgement; observe situations with openness and curiosity; respond calmly and compassionately; view different points of views before making decisions or taking action; help to connect; nudge me beyond the safe and known; and maybe bring some positive surprises.

Which book to open first?

one little word

What to make of the moment when I have three men drilling and hammering in my old bare kitchen, a cable guy climbing under a table in the living room where a sofa has been pushed in the middle of the room, my youngest and her friend trying to get frozen berries from the fridge that is temporarily in the hallway, and my sis calling at the same time? I don't make anything of it. It was clearly not a typical beginning for a third day of a year, when all I would do would hide in my bedroom and read. The moment of crazy will pass. The quiet of winter break evenings will pass. Nothing stays the same.

I finished Paul Kalanithi's When Breath Becomes Air. I thought carefully whether I wanted to read a book that would obviously touch the gentle cords of deep emotions. Life. Death. Meaning. Purpose. Values. Choices. Unknown. Emotions. Love. Death. Life. It was the best book to read to start the year. The last book of last year was by a young Estonian actor. He wrote love letters to theater. Seemingly the two stories couldn't be further apart - a neurosurgeon whose work was a matter of life and death telling his story as his life ends before he turns forty versus an actor entertaining people and telling his story as he is getting ready to perform Othello. Strangely the stories both looked at universal struggle of finding one's identity; exploring passion, balance and energy; fear of failure and joy of succeeding; disappointment and pride; seeing the big picture and noticing the details; getting lost and finding a way. They both showed the importance of continuously learning, making mistakes, forgiving and moving on, with a bit more knowledge, skills and understanding than before. Sometimes everything feels overwhelming. Sometimes everything falls perfectly in place. Things change.

I would love to say that looking at the chaos of my morning and thinking about the two stories helped me to conjure a vision that would guide my year and give life changing advice to my blog readers. I wish. Nothing so grand. Just one little word attached itself to my heart - "story." I don't expect anything extraordinary and magnificent leading to glory. The word is for me. Following "write," "spark," "strawberry," "what if," and "keep calm and make magic" (the last two not qualifying as OLW but good yearly guidance anyway) I hope it will help me to make sense of my life, bring some surprises, and let me become a better person.

What was your third day of 2017 like?
What are you reading?
What is your OLW?

If you haven't chosen a word yet, here's some advice: How to choose one little word

My previous OLW-s

Celebrate - the second day

On a snowless dark winter day I miss the light and colors of the summer. I am glad I have summer stored in pics.

Numerous blog posts and instagram pics share hopes and dreams, wishes and promises, plans and goals or one little word to guide the new year. Today is the second day of 2016 - a fresh start, a blank page, an open door - possibility of anything waiting ahead. When I read what people wrote I saw the thread of common wishes - to be healthy, to feel loved, to belong, to matter, to be happy, to be able to make a difference. None of it just falls into anyone's life. You have to learn, be brave, be kind, take action, form habits, reach out, dare to be vulnerable, have grit, experiment, reflect, forgive, show gratitude, celebrate, be creative. I wish as a mom that I could pack all of the necessary advice and wisdom into a neat package and pass it on to my daughters. It doesn't work that way. Everyone figures out the whats, whys and hows,  and learns different lessons at their own time, when they are ready, and at their own pace, making their own mistakes.

I believe that some lessons my girls have learned through the family traditions - the second day of a year is a great day to visit an exhibition (gingerbread art), go for a lunch at grandma's (steamed vegetables and a creamy citrus cake), and make sure your reading stack has always some fresh books (we appreciate that the bookstores are open already.)

I celebrate the second day of the new year. 

Today is Saturday. I celebrate Saturday.

I celebrate spending time with my family.

I haven't done any of the mentioned above choosing and sharing for the new year. Maybe I can go without one word, promises, and goals. Maybe just being open to the possibilities is enough. Or maybe I can go with a slogan "Be calm and make magic." or "Drink tea and use your imagination."

Ruth Ayres invites people to share a celebration every Saturday. Thinking back to a week you can pick anything - small or big - to celebrate. Thank you for the invitation, Ruth!

Searching for a new OLW

The windshield wipers frantically and hopelessly fight off the rain; the wind pushes, pushes, pushes; the darkness has swallowed the world - the road home seems endless.
I just want to get home. Home. Home. Home. Wrap myself in a shawl, crawl to the corner of a sofa, and stay hidden from the world.
Safely home, hugs, dinner, dishes - I am ready for a bit of meditation.
Resting on a bed, headphones connected to my I-Pad, I listen to soothing body scan instructions. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.
With the sound of lulling waves I feel floating.
".... notice yourself as you are..." and at this instant moment I catch my thought "I am crazy."
I spring up and pause the meditation.
I must be crazy. Who else in their right mind would have agreed to give a workshop on Friday evening to a group of potential parents of a new school, that I am not even part of, on a topic of differences between a traditional and inquiry based school. Not a lecture, but a lesson so the parents could experience active learning. The "yes" had been a favor to friends, and it was easy to give when the end of the year madness was months away. There was no way I could have known I would be in the midst of writing reports, the school self-study section reflection and online course work.
I cant go back to the meditation because a Chinese proverb pops to my head next.
"Watch your thought because it turns into a feeling. Watch your feeling because it will become an action. Watch your action because it will become a habit. Watch your habit because it will become your personality. Watch your personality because it will become your destiny."
I need to redefine "crazy" in a positive way.
I believe that my OLW "What if..." partly pushed the "yes" out of my mouth. Like it hadn't been enough that I had given a speech at a IT conference and another speech at a Union of Child Welfare conference.
So what should I do for the next year? Choose a quiet word? Calm-meditation-relax? Or grow even bigger? Dare-shine-leap?
The experience in the afternoon had been a positive one. The audience had been surprisingly willing to  to work together even though they were strangers to each other; they had followed my instructions to think, write, talk and share even though they probably had not anticipated being moved from their comfortable seats in a traditional auditorium; and all of them were actively engaged, responded to my signals and didn't mind the fast pace the lesson had. Even when a TV evening news crew suddenly marched in and set up their cameras, we continued as if this situation was as normal as ever for all of us.
It's over now. So is the drive in the darkness. I won't choose my new OLW now, so I might go back to breathing and relaxing.

Read more slices at Two Writing Teachers

Fortunately nobody, except my mom, watches news on Saturday evening, so only people with a link were able to see me in the "classroom" giving a "lesson" to parents. ;)
The man giving an interview is the organizer of the leadership course I participated in. The woman is the owner of the new school and my course mate. They had asked me nicely.

Learning and growing

My one little word for the year is "What if..." and it has taken me to situations I couldn't even have dreamt off at the beginning of the year.
In May I listened to John Bates speaking on a stage of KUMU (Estonian Art Museum) Auditorium. I sat there in awe and I would have laughed out loud had someone suggested that before the year ends I would stand on the same stage speaking TEDex style. Yet, yesterday I stood there with a head microphone, speaking at Estonian Union of Child Welfare annual conference and later participating in a panel discussion. Even now it still sounds unbelievable to me.
I understand that one little word can't take off from an empty space and make magic. It's more like it ties together various elements - me being ready for change, taking a course, reading Brene Brown, listening to John Bates, meeting new people, encouragement from the director, and then daring to say "Yes."
My first public speaking experience was just at the beginning of October.

Being part of yesterday's conference supported my learning and growth in many levels.

The topic of yesterday's conference was in relation to the changes to the child protection law in Estonia. The focus was on decreasing the emotional and verbal violence against children. The speakers and panelists moved from the level of home to the level of kindergarten and school to the whole society. The big question was "What can we do to make change happen?" Listening to the statistics and stories I was surprised how little people know about the harm words can do and how much more severe the verbal and emotional violence can be than physical. At the same time each speaker assured that change is possible and will happen. I spoke about the teacher we hope to have at school; possible reasons teachers may choose wrong approaches and words to solve problems; what is the result of emotional violence on children; and  the need for common values, taking time to build relationships, possibilities to learn problem solving, and for the  teachers to take care of their own emotional and mental health.
The keywords that I picked up from the speakers and panelists were: prevention, education, forgiveness, collaboration, building on the good.
The best message came from a 13 year old girl who summarized each section of the conference. In her final message she asked us, the adults, to try to remember what it was like to be a child.

Being in front of a large audience is a scary experience. In all honesty, right now I do not want to do it again. To fit a message into 20 minutes forces you to be very selective in what you say. Once you have figured out what you say, you have to practice many times to remember the message and then fit it into the time frame. It is possible to give the same speech in 10 minute difference depending on how fast or slow you speak. It really helps to watch other speakers and read articles on how to write your speech, how to create your slide show and how to be on a stage. You may understand that the speech is not about you, but you can't help thinking what you look like and how others might judge you. Taking the stance that everyone is kind makes it easier to face them. Having a friend in the audience helped. I didn't know she would come, so it was a very pleasant surprise to see her in the morning and it helped me to relax before the speech. I also felt supper support from the organizers - the way they wrote to me and spoke to me, answering my questions and assuring that everything will be fine.

The friend who watched me and the organizers said that they enjoyed my presentation. When I dared later to watch a bit of my presentation, my daughter said I didn't look like me at all, that I made too many faces and waved with my hands. A colleague wrote that I appeared very calm. The same colleague was my audience when I practiced, and her suggestions were useful. What I am thinking now is that in order for me to become better I could actually use a help of a coach to watch the presentation together and analyze the speech and speaking. From my point of view I did my best I could but I don't know whether it was as good as it could have been. Having an outsider helping with revision and reflection helps with learning.

Thank you, John Bates, for the inspiration and lessons.

Here are some screenshots I captured from the web video:

Here are the videos from the two parts of the conference. I speak in the first video. I start at 2:33. It is all in Estonian. Here is link to my slides.

Thank you, Ruth, for the invitation to celebrate.

Celebrate: being a risk-taker

In spring I attended a public speaking lecture by John Bates. He said that when someone asks a man to give a speech, 9 out of 10 say "Yes", yet when someone asks a woman to give a speech, 9 out of 10 say "No" at first. He strongly encouraged the audience (all women) to say "Yes" because nobody is born a public speaker and sometimes you have to take risks to grow. Brene Brown also speaks about being vulnerable and daring greatly. My one little word for this year "What if..." has nudged me to try experiences I would have not even thought of earlier.
All of this mingled in my head when I got an invitation to speak for 30 minutes at a HITSA seminar about how our school uses I-Pads in education. I decided to be a risk-taker and said "Yes."
Fortunately I had enough time to prepare. I thought of the main message (first you plan the what and why, then the assessments and learning experiences, and only then you choose what tools you use), chose stories to make the speech, wrote my draft with a pencil and then typed it, created a slide show with only pictures; a colleague helped and created a short film with students speaking how they use the I-Pads in their school life. Following John Bate's advice I practiced several times in a car, twice in front of a mirror and once in front of a colleague.
When I got a note that I would be an opening speaker I got scared, but the organizers were very assuring. I love how the woman who contacted me finished her letter with "Don't worry, everything is going to be fine."
On the day of the speech I was nervous, but I kept breathing to calm my mind and drank water to make sure my mouth wouldn't dry. People were smiling and I felt better. I kept telling myself that my role was to encourage the teachers in the audience to start using I-Pads for learning.
My opening story was the story of the writing workshop I took outside. I honestly told that I wasn't a technology specialist but a regular teacher. I shared how our school got started with I-Pads; the mistakes and challenges and what we had learned along the way; several times bringing it back to the main idea that you start with the what and why and the tools come last. Yes, I forgot some things I had planned to say; at some point I forgot about one slide and was already speaking of another; when the movie finished, the slide show didn't continue; at some point my voice echoed. Nevertheless I kept myself calm. "Be yourself. Remember you are there to serve others." - John Bate's words kept me focused on the audience not on what was going wrong.  They kept smiling back to me and clapped when I finished. I took it as a good sign.
Speaking in front of 100 people, plus people watching the live stream, is a super learning experience. We encourage the children to be risk-takers and therefore we should once in a while dare to step out of our comfort zone. I know there are very many experienced and knowledgeable teachers out there who feel safe in their classroom and tremble at the thought of speaking in front of a crowd. I encourage you, when opportunity arises, to dare and share your successes and failures to help other teachers to learn. Your stories can be an inspiration for others to grow.

link to the original photo 

Now my next daring is to watch the video of my speech. This is even scarier than giving the speech. ;)

Celebrating: what if

As part of an inquiry unit my students have been learning about the human brain. How often do you think how amazing that gross-looking organ is?  The memories, the knowledge, the imagination, the ideas and emotions held in our brain shape who we are. How often do you remind yourself that you are in control of your brain? It's puzzling that the mere use of words can reshape how you look a the world or how you approach problems.

Many people choose One Little Word at the beginning of the year to focus on. I chose "What if..." as my guiding phrase. The strangest thing ever happened. I worry less when opportunities arise and say "yes" more often. "What if..." has lessened my fear of failure and made me playful. What if I try something new? What is the worst thing that could happen? Maybe things go well. This would be the wonderful scenario. What if I fail or make mistakes? This would be a learning opportunity.

I celebrate the "What if..." this week.

Last year I had a group of kids where more than half could have benefitted from self-regulation training. I searched for solutions and read books about mindfulness. I asked our director, also an experienced yoga teacher, whether we could incorporate mindfulness into the school day. She was too busy but suggested I did it myself in my class. My first reaction was, "I can't. I don't know enough." During the summer I had time to think and "What if" nudged me forward. This year, even though the group of students is different, I have incorporated short mindfulness lessons into our days. I keep reading, listening and learning myself as we go. The "What if.." has helped me to grow.

Last year one of the problems that was voiced in our PYP team was related to ineffectiveness of the team meetings. Knowing that as a new PYP coordinator this year I would be in charge of the meetings  I started looking for solutions. "What if..." we used protocols to make the meetings more focused? I didn't know much about the protocols and I had no idea how others would take it. This Thursday we had our first planning meeting and I used a scripted protocol. During the meeting I felt as a dictator at times, and people found it uncomfortable when I reminded them to be listening when it wasn't their turn to speak, and I monitored the time tightly. When the meeting was over, the feedback was positive. The participants felt that the hour was focused, time was respected and we moved forward with collaborative planning.The suggestions that they gave were also useful.

This Thursday, an hour after the PYP team meeting, I had Open House meeting with the parents. I have been in our school for so long that I could speak about the PYP programme, philosophy and learning at any time, with my eyes closed and standing on my head. "What if..." I did something different this year? "What if... " I let the parents feel what it is like to be in grade 3? As soon as they had gathered I gave them A4 paper and asked them to fold it in three sections. Using Think-Puzzle-Explore thinking routine from "Making Thinking Visible" I asked them to write what they thought they knew about PYP, what puzzling, wonders or questions they had, and if this is what they wanted to learn about, how could they find out. The parents were clearly a bit uncomfortable, but once they finished I had a good place to continue, building on what some parents had written, explaining that the learner is the center of everything, that we use inquiry based learning, that instead of subjects we have big unit of inquiry, that we seek understanding of concepts,  that instead of homework we have extended learning, that we learn how readers, writers, and mathematicians think, act and create. One of the parents later commented that this experience showed to her how intensive thinking can be in third grade, and even without text books, workbooks, worksheets and graded test, learning happens because the learner is active and engaged.

My OLW has had a positive effect on my mindset.

Which one little word has guided your decisions and action?
What "What if..." has invited you to do something new or different?

Ruth Ayres invites people to share a celebration every Saturday. Thinking back to a week you can pick anything - small or big - to celebrate. Thank you for the invitation, Ruth!

OLW 2015

More slices at Two Writing Teachers

Yesterday I wrote How to choose One Little Word and promised to share my OLW story.

On a toe-freezing, cheek-biting frosty morning I strolled through a crystal covered kingdom, declaring myself a Snow Queen and the owner of all the white shining diamonds around me. Stretching my arms to the sky I whispered a magic spell. Thousands of snow-fairies glided off the most magnificent oak tree in front of me and with silver thread laced together my OLW.

This would have been a wonderful story. Not true though. Well, partly true. The morning when I went for a walk was spectacularly beautiful and cold. Few days ago, lounging on my sister's sofa, stomach full of honey cake, I had decided that my life was wonderful, I was perfect and I had no need for resolutions or guiding words. Besides, last year, after intensive search without satisfying results, I had stumbled upon the best word ever - Strawberry, so I doubted I would find anything better. ("Gooseberry" crossed my mind for half a second.) But I love playing, and choosing an OLW is sort of a game - like a treasure hunt where everyone wins. Walking carefully to avoid slipping on snow-covered ice on the streets, stopping occasionally to take photos, my mind was on a tour of its own, taking snapshots of OLW ideas. "Strawberry" had been a delightfully selfish word. But I could go bigger and brighter. "Daring Greatly" a'la Brene Brown sounded, well, daring. I had read the book and it had been inspiring. I could already picture quotes and banners. 'daring" would have been an amazing and powerful OLW but I chickened. ("Chicken" as a word I ruled out.) I wasn't ready to be brave. Another book I had read came to my mind - Warren Berger's The More Beautiful Question,  filled with many questions, speaking of power of inquiry. Click. A new snapshot - "What if."  Not the negative, doubtful, worrying "What if" but the cheerful curious twin. with a twinkle in an eye. Kind of a daring word, inviting exploration but not mandating action. My kind of a word. Together with other questions "What if" could help me to become a better person and professional. Technically "What if" didn't qualify for OLW because it's not one word but two. Since I was the Snow Queen and the judge in this game, I announced "What if" as my OLW for 2015.


"The What if stage of questioning is the blue-sky moment of questioning, when anything is possible."
from Warren Berger's The More Beautiful Question


Pics from my walk:

How to choose One Little Word

"Strawberry" was my One Little Word (OLW) for 2014. Super word. Best ever. Then again I have had only three OLW-s so far: write, spark and strawberry. Compared to Ruth's 10 my number is small but nevertheless I have learned something about the process of choosing.

Choosing One Little Word is an inquiry into:

• your inner world (Who am I? What do I value?) 
• language (What word would be the best metaphor for what I need, want or dream about currently in my life?)
• philosophy (How can one word be magical enough to influence my decisions and actions?)
• visual literacy (What are the ways to make my word visible?)

Like nobody has to make new year resolutions, nobody has to have a word for a year. People do both because they like to have something guiding and reminding them. It's figuring out ways to be happy, usually involving health, relationships, meaning of life, and personal growth. Resolutions imply responsibility and may induce guilt later if not met. OLW has an inspiring role.

Choosing and living with OLW can take many forms.
You can:

• Figure out what you need, want and dream about and think what word/theme would reach over everything as an umbrella.
• Read a list of OLWs and choose some that sound the best and pick one that speaks the loudest to you. 
• Take a five day e-mail class with Susannah Conway to  choose your word.
• Get inspired (#olw2015). Read what others have chosen and see what clicks with you
• Think of an inspiring person, a book or a quote and think of a word in relation to these
• Get together with friends and talk about possibilities
• Make it into a game and try all the different ways
• Forget about choosing and the word may just pop up 

Once you have your word, you can:

• Keep it in mind and not display it
• Share it with others
• Make art or engrave it somewhere as a reminder
• Take a year long course with Ali Edwards.

You could easily go without a word because others would share their words and remind you to take time for yourself and loved ones, be kind to yourself and others, keep learning, experiment, challenge yourself, forgive, be thankful, celebrate, and have fun.

Tomorrow I'll share how I chose my word for 2015. (Not a berry this time)

OLW and inner poet

Slice of Life is supposed to be a narrative, a scene, a story. When I ask my students to write, I look for detailed description, dialogue, stretched out action, inner thoughts and feelings. I ask them to keep their eyes open, remember what they notice and sense, capture the emotion. I have come to realize myself that sometimes slice of life means looking inward instead. To carefully listen  to the sounds of mind and heart takes patience and heightened awareness. The need for that kind of slice of life comes on the days when the inner world is stormy or eerily empty. I don't know where I am right now. My class is packed and school is over. I have had several days off already, but my mind is not in the summer yet. I am still tired. I don't know what exactly do I want or expect. It's not that I have hidden myself or done nothing. My home looks better, I went to the movies and visited a friend,  I have read for hours.

On days like this One Little Word should help out. My word for this year is "Strawberry." Some of you may have raised your eyebrows because OLW is usually a verb. I chose a noun instead.

I set some wishes for myself. Looking back at the first half of the year the word has served me well.
I wished to:
be healthy (I took a course about healthy eating, exercised regularly, guarded my emotional health, nurtured my mental health) 
be sweet and kind  (listening, sharing comments and compliments, forgiving, breathing)
be calm (more breathing)
be varied (pursuing my own interests, working with a friend, participating in bigger groups)
be bold red 
be rounded (balancing my life)
be playful, whimsical (Did you notice my photos? I secretly drew too)
be someone who would make people smile and laugh and feel good

I think I have been true to my word.
The one line that confuses me the most is the one about being bold. I have stood up for what I believe is right. I have reached beyond my classroom walls and I have been active in Estonian Reading Association. I tried writing poetry. I dared to participate in Twitter chats.   Yet somehow in my writing the wish to be bolder keeps returning. Like in My Little Red Teapot. When my students wrote about their inner poets, I wrote too.

My inner poet

is a wild strawberry

wishing to be admired for its boldness and beauty,

Yet being afraid to be squished, discarded

Or worse 

being eaten alive

So I prefer to hide

My inner poet dreams of faraway places and imaginary worlds

But stays rooted in one place, surrounded by ordinary

My inner poet occasionally wishes  

To be a pomegranate or granadilla

Or
Pretends to be a ladybug, taking off ground


After I finished writing I realized that I wasn't speaking of my poetry writing but rather of myself in general. I feel as if my view is partly hidden and I haven't figured out what I really want. Maybe that's where the boldness has to surface, to look deeper inward to discover secret wishes and dreams, to may be dream bolder first. Because it is easy to be bold in the areas where you feel you have the knowledge and experience and some sort of safety net around. Or maybe boldness means letting go of comparisons and looking for approval, and instead smiling broad because I am me.

I look forward to the summer and getting back some energy. I hope this will give me some stories to share. I will keep my eyes open, remember and record what I notice and sense, capture the emotions, and write some slices.

Socks, the importance of asking right questions, and OLW

I tucked a pair of socks into my jacket's pocket and headed out into the depressing grayness and slushy rain. How on earth was it possible to loose a sock after a PE lesson? It probably joined all the other seven lonely socks we had collected from our sock drawers at home. How many other mothers recently received a phone call from their child asking to bring a pair of socks to school? Did they all go when they could? I could, so I did. I had a day off and the school was close. The sight of Mimm with her one sock on and bare toes peeking out from her other sandal made me chuckle. I thanked the teacher for allowing Mimm call me and headed back home.
The rain kept pouring as if trying to make sure the world was a dark, sad, hopeless place to live in and should have been filled with self-doubt and moaning. Nice try. I wasn't impressed with the rain's performance. My mind was still occupied with the search for One Little Word. I had accepted that I would go without a word this year, but then I read Tara's post, saw my name, and it pulled me back into the game. I am not the kind of person who would let rain or a lack of a word get me sad. I am not the kind of person...
Right there, half-way home from a sock mission, jumping over a puddle, rain dripping from a tip of my nose, I realized where I had gone wrong in my search. I had asked myself the wrong question.  "What do I want to do?" or "What do I need?" were not the right questions for this year. My quest should have been for a word that would help me to remember "What kind of a person am I striving to be?" in different situations.
Suddenly it made sense why "strawberry" had crossed my mind. My word didn't have to be noble, inspirational and make sense to others. My word had to be a symbol that made sense to me.

"Strawberry" is perfect.

Strawberry
I wish to:
be healthy
be sweet and kind (to others and to myself)
be calm - thinking of best summer memories
be varied - find myself with a friend (chocolate), in a group (salad), blend in (jam), or be just by myself
be bold red - not to hide, but rather share and be visible
be rounded - (I am not speaking of my body shape) - be balanced, learn and be open to different topics and possibilities
be playful, whimsical - keeping my spark from last year, finding the child in me
be someone who would make people smile and laugh and feel good

So here is my One Little Word for 2014

Strawberry

Strawberry

OWL 2014