Sometimes being bold means going to a photo shoot without any make up. Grappling with an idea of turning fifty and choosing "Bold" as my one little word for a year, this is exactly what I did. I signed up for a black and white natural woman photo shoot session. People who are friends with a camera might just shrug their shoulders, but for me this was a serious step out of my comfort zone. Most of the time, with the few exceptions, I don't like seeing myself on the photos, I am not too happy to see myself in the mirror either. Trusting in the photographer I believed that perhaps she would be able to capture at least one frame that I would look with acceptance.
The photo shoot was in a small studio. I knew the photographer from a photo journalism course some years ago. She made me stand and sit and lean and look in different directions. We talked about age and beauty, children and our own childhood, work and learning and life in general, all the while she snapped photos. I started stiff and uncomfortable, approached her instructions with a playful attitude ,and eventually relaxed and even enjoyed the experience.
And then I waited for the link to the photos to arrive in my mailbox, so I could choose my favourites. Before this happened, she posted one photo on her facebook and instagram page. This was part of the agreement, so I knew she would do it.
Seeing the photo she chose, I had a moment of total dread. I thought that if she saw this as the most beautiful picture of me, I must be the first client she hadn't been able to take any beautiful photos. I sat with my thought and my feeling, and decided to let them go, and accept that there must have been something she saw in it, if she dared to put this up as a photo to advertise her job as a photographer.
When the photos arrived I was amazed at what I saw. Many pictures I liked and made me feel beautiful. I actually had hard time choosing just five. I asked my husband's and my daughter's opinion and they both chose one photo, either one that I wouldn't have chosen. I was reminded that the way others see me is probably different from my own image of me.
Today I'll be bold and share the photo that the photographer chose. Here I am, natural without make up, on the cusp of turning fifty:
Terje! You, your words, your image are all bold and beautiful! I. So glad that your came to a place where you enjoyed the process and product! ��
ReplyDeleteThis photo and the story are so beautiful. I've struggled with pictures too and both admire and am inspired by your story. I love your decision to embrace the surprise of the way others see us.
ReplyDeleteI love this boldness. Have always loved black and white photos. Striking all the way, Terje - fifty is so encouraging and empowering!
ReplyDeleteTerje,
ReplyDeleteYou may be the most bold person I know...it all started with the title of your blog and then continuing it month-by-month, stacking words just for a month. The way you crafted this slice from your life, with the inner and outer story is bold and beautiful. I love the picture of you...it is one of a confident and satisfied woman. The contrast between how we see ourselves and how those who love see us in pulling on me and I hope you will write more about this.
xo,
ruth