Is caring enough?

On Friday I interviewed four parents to receive feedback on our new lower school report card format. The questions regarding the report got answered fairly quickly. They were all happy that besides written comments we had broken down the subject strands into specific descriptors. They loved how personal and caring the comments were. They didn't mind that the reports were more than ten pages long. 

It would have been perfectly fine to say, "Thank you. Good-bye." 

I opted for "Other than the reports, how are you doing?" and we talked longer. 

It felt as if the parents had been waiting for this question. Each one of them told me about their own life and how their kids were doing, what worried them and what brought joy. They didn't ask or demand anything from me, just spoke. And I listened. 

The stories of these parents were different, the issues they spoke about were specific to their children, and some of the struggles were caused by a combination of unfortunate circumstances. Yet a question formed in my head that I don't have an answer to. Is it possible to create a school that continuously honours the individual development of children? 

It seems that in primary school level the belief that children develop at their own individual pace is easier to accept and create an environment where this is allowed. Providing various resources instead of standard textbooks and workbooks gives everyone access to learning at their level; creating a community with acceptance and growth mindset makes everyone feel belonging; using criteria descriptors rather than letter or number grades allows reflection and personal goal setting; giving time to complete and redo projects with flexible timelines focuses on achieving quality not merely getting things done; allowing children play and spend time with their hobbies after a long school day rather than doing homework supports well-being and development of a whole child. It all sounds and feels so right and yet it backfires when they enter middle school.

Suddenly the curriculum becomes packed and fast paced, the students are expected to be hyper-independent and with excellent time-management skills; homework makes home-time work-time mostly; in the need to achieve, reach, produce it becomes harder and harder to stay balanced; learning creates stress more than joy. And it is not that the teachers don't care about the children. They care. They plan, they prepare, they teach, they remind, they listen, they coach, they worry, they seek help, they forgive, they don't give up. I am not sure this is enough. The pressure is not only on the students but also on the teachers. In some ways being caring makes the teachers more vulnerable and more likely to burn out.

I wonder whether it is possible to change the system so that not only the strongest survive and succeed. What does it take to focus on what truly matters in growing healthy and happy self-directed people; people who show compassion and take care of themselves, others and the environment; people who dare to be true to themselves, feel that they are enough, thrive and contribute to the common good?  

I know the world is rich with research and almost a book a day is published to give advice on how to become better as a person and improve schools. It is so much easier on paper than bringing all of it together in a systematic and comprehensive way for a lasting change. 

Seems strange to think about these things on a quiet Sunday morning, admiring the sparkly winter scene from a living room window and having a lingering taste of raspberry jam in my mouth. Obviously the thoughts that surfaced need longer time and deeper inquiry to form thoroughly, at the same time I am glad that I wrote them down even if they are not fully grown yet. The words came on the screen as a response to Ruth's writing prompt "Dare to care."