learning to listen 2

At the beginning of the month I wrote about learning to listen.

It has been on my mind ever since. I know that for some of you the following is no news. But it has been learning experience for me and I have strengthened my understanding of what it means to listen.

Truly listening requires one-to-one situation without distractions. I think that's why it has been difficult with the students. There is never enough time to just sit with one and let them talk. They talk in small and big groups but it's not the same. I feel sad that I do not have the time to just sit down and let them talk without the pressure of goals, assignments, and assessments. Writing has allowed me to listen to their stories. I have listened to my daughter Mimm, allowing her to finish her never-ending imaginary stories, and waiting for her to voice dreams, wonders, fears, and thoughts.

Truly listening requires pauses. I had some questions prepared when I went to listen to a kindergarten teacher. I am used to "she says-I say-she says-I say" conversations. Now I tried "she says-pause-pause" technique. She spoke. Spoke about things that I had not anticipated with my questions.

Truly listening means putting aside what you already know or think that you know. In my family we have a very bad habit to finish each other's sentences. It is not too bad when the women speak because we can speak in three voices. It's super annoying for my father who likes to speak slowly. Last Saturday I just held my mouth shut and let him speak. I learned about him things I should have known, but never had had the patience to listen to.

Truly listening means not jumping in with your advice even when you know that the other person is not exactly right. I have a young colleague who doesn't realize how inexperienced he is. So far any advice giving has ended with strong defence from his side. Recently I stopped giving advice and just listened and nodded. I can see how he is slowly starting to think through what and why he is doing in class. He has started coming more often and few times has asked for my opinion and advice. I give it very gently in a form "may-be you could try" or "another way I have done it." It is not my job to coach him but I am glad I have been of some assistance.

Truly listening means figuring out what does the other person really want to say when all I can hear is sour complaining about the work I know I do well, and generalizations opposite to what I know to be true.

This one I have not figured out.