learning to listen 3

continuing from yesterday.

Thank you to Christy and Linda for their comments and offer to come to my rescue. But as we know:

Everyone has to solve their own problems.

I knew it this morning when I was driving to school. We tiptoe around parents at school, trying to please them, and then we go to the lounge and complain or cry or write about it in a blog. I simply did not have any energy to carry around my hurt feelings or confusions as why one parent says what she says, so I asked the parent to my room this morning.

We spoke for an hour. We had the time and the privacy to listen and explain. This is what I took from the conversation.

• It's hard to say "You hurt my feelings," but it's worth it. You may hear an apology.
• The driving force behind the complaints of a parent is a wish to have the best for the child. Who knows what is the best for a child? Who knows what the future is like?
• When a family is facing a move to another country, it amplifies the worries.
• The parents know what they see. They have no clue about the learning teachers continually do, or the thinking that goes behind planning learning experiences, or the time invested to each individual child. May-be it is good to share that side of our work with the parents.
• If it is hard for the teachers to shift their mind from old pedagogical paradigm to new, the shift for parents is many times harder.
• The perception of what goes on at school is heavily influenced by past experiences and the circle of connected parents. It's hard to let go of the past or hear the positive comments if the parent always speaks to just one group of people. The complaints always seem louder than the compliments.
• It may-be difficult for a parent to accept that the child might be an artist instead of a mathematician.
• It is ok to say to the parent: "You probably do not realize how wonderful your child is. She will be fine in any country and any system." The response may be: "I should probably relax."
• A parent talking in a classroom is better than a secret whisperings in the hallway.
• Some changes are easy to make. On a paper it looks that I value language more than math. The importance of daily reading and writing is regularly reminded to students on their weekly homework. Even though I speak about the importance of math, and how mathematicians think and work, I have not put it in writing. I'll do it.
• There is something positive if a parent sees a need for improvement and takes action to achieve it.
• It's ok to disagree on some things.
• Meeting that finishes with a thank you can be considered successful.
• It's not easy to put aside the "I" and listen to what is behind the words.

I listened.

I face my weekend with peace in my heart.