The post that wanted to be written

I feel that I am writing about the same things over and over. This is what I need. Writing things out of my system is my way of grounding myself, returning to the present, shifting focus back to what's good. It's not so much about creating literary pieces, rather it's about listening to myself, knowing that I have my inner resources to handle whatever is going on inside and around me. 

Here's today's post that wanted to be written:

I don’t know, I don’t know,

On some days 

I don’t know what to do 

When the everything becomes too much

When the noise around and inside gets too loud

When the time seems to spin too fast

I don’t know what is really going on

Whether what I think I see is really what is there 

Whether what I think I hear is really what is said

Whether what I am doing is what I should be doing

I don’t know how to recognize the truth

how to view the kaleidoscope of perspectives 

how to navigate in the maze of the human relationships

how to assemble the puzzle pieces of human hearts

I don’t know, I don’t know

Why it’s so difficult to hold myself up

Why it’s so complicated to sort my thoughts and emotions

Why it’s so challenging to keep going and doing and being

I don’t know, I don’t know

Whether I know who I am,

Whether the “who I am” I have constructed is the same as others see

Whether the actions and reactions of others mirror more them or me

I know, I know

I know what to do

When I feel like closing my eyes

When I wish to let go and spread my arms

When I imagine myself falling, falling, falling

Hoping to land on a feather soft mattress

I know, I know

The best thing to do is to become still

The right thing to do is to slow down

The good thing to do is to take care of myself

I know, I know

I know what I need

I know my inner resources

I know how to breathe in and out

The wobble of the world sends a nervous vibration in the air, and I see my friends and colleagues catching the wobble, and worrying, some almost panicking, the stress level increasing, and sometimes it grabs hold of me, and I start doubting in myself and think that perhaps I should be worried more and be doing more, and darkness clouds my mind, and I let myself get overwhelmed. I need to remind myself that actually things are ok, I am ok, I am more than ok. I am enough. I get things done and I have built my resilience, I know how to take care of myself during the times of uncertainty. I know how to collect the little gems of happiness. Writing helps me to remember this. 

Finding the light and color: