when you don't know what to do, write a gratitude list

10 days and no writing. Correction. 11 days and no writing as part of my writerly life. I have held a pencil and clicked away on a computer forming words to plan, explain, invite, arrange, reflect, reply, help, summarise, quote, report, remember, appreciate, inform, remind, sort, request, agree, collect, and probably some other reasons that I have forgotten already, writing in different formats, locations, and lengths. Not a single word adding to my habits and goals to the life I am creating for myself as a writer. 

One morning meditation ended with Oprah's quote "When you don't know what to do, do nothing. Be still." My mind must have morphed it into "When you don't know what to write, don't write. Be quiet." I know that this is the silliest advice for any writer. I don't believe in a writer's block. I have tools and strategies and go-to-writing prompts to help me write. 

Looking back it seems as if the other roles in my life pushed the writer out of the game, shushed any attempts to protest, and simply ignored any reasoning coming from this direction. The mother, the wife, the teacher, the principal, the colleague, the coach, the conflict resolution mediator, the friend, the cook, the walker, the reader, the media consumer, the walker, the driver filled the corners of the mind and the hours of the day. Some more than others.  None of them realising that the writer would have been helpful in making sense of the situations, sorting the challenges, and amplifying the joys. 

Oh, well. What's done or not done is in the past. Right now the whole of me is rather tired. The two energy consuming months of school leading to the fall break, the last two weeks when everyone's physical tiredness and emotional fatigue triggered stronger reactions and irrational choices, my efforts to stay positive and solution-oriented, all of it adds up to a stress release on this Saturday morning, with a headache, runny nose and muscles that just want to melt into an armchair. 

The writer knows that even when I might not have the energy to form all that is worth into beautiful texts, it is important to write a gratitude list, because this is what will strengthen me. The writer can be in charge today, because all the school roles are on holidays, the mother/wife has a day alone at home, and all the other roles can't decide what to do.  

Gratitude from the past ten days:

1. Schoolwork-free (not even checking the school email) weekend
2. A day away from home with my husband
3. Beautiful fall weather
4. Walking in the park
5. Golden leaves on the trees, falling from the branches and covering the ground
6. Chocolate, lots of chocolate, fancy chocolate truffles
7. A fascinating interactive fairy-tale exhibition
8. Visiting my middle daughter
9. The oldest daughter visiting us
10. The youngest daughter greeting me every day I arrive from work
11. Walking more than 10 000 steps daily
12. Super comfortable walking shoes
13. Attending a dance lesson on Monday
14. Sticking to the morning exercise habit
15. Mindfulness helping me to stay calm no matter what
16. A crash course from an experienced conflict resolution mediator
17. My ability to stay calm and neutral when mediating a meeting
18. The sigh of relief when seeing some complicated relationship knots untangle
19. The quiet breathing of students as they are immersed in personal writing
20. The energetic chatter of students as they collaborate in partner writing
21. Tea, tea, tea
22. Successful first ever virtual student-parent-teacher conferences
23. Supportive and appreciative leadership
24. A dinner with friends
25. Healthy home-made lunches to take to school
26. An apple pie my hubby baked
27. A walking meeting instead of a sitting one
28. A new warm fall coat
29. Finding reading time in the morning
30. Finishing Yoko Tawada's "Memoirs of A Polar Bear" 
31. A parent sending in Jesse Thistle's "From the Ashes" because she thought I might enjoy reading during the holidays