Day 13: teacher thoughts

   Have you met teachers who share what happens in their class and it sounds like a fairy tale? They seem to manage to fit a lot into their week, and lessons go according to the plans, students are active and produce amazing work. And then you worry about all the things that didn't happen in your class, and plans that went askew, to do list that you didn't get even half way finished, and you wish to cry because the students still need more time to understand concepts and the products they create make you sigh silently inside.
   I know a lot of it has to do about how you see and present things yourself. What is that you highlight and how you approach the shortcomings. I have learned to focus more on the positive when I share with others, but my inside worries still speak loudly.
   We had fantastic mini-lessons on writing, students showed that they understand a lot about author's craft, the students chose topics for personal narratives, everyone has their first draft ready, and I noticed their attempts at using description, dialogue and emotions.  Yet, when I look at all the drafts together they don't match what I envisioned receiving. We don't have on demand writing prompts, but if we did, I am afraid my this year's lot is nowhere close to meeting the expectations, with few exceptions. They are all trying their best, and they are growing, and I am doing my best in supporting them, but I wonder whether it is enough.
   The students created marvelous math posters to show strategies and tools of subtraction. We had some exciting discussions on comparing and evaluating the strategies and tools. Yet, when they had a math test, they didn't use the tools or strategies, many of them were still not able to show the different models of subtraction. I believe strongly that it is essential to build a strong foundation, so they understand concepts and don't mechanically memorize procedures. Part of me wants to continue with subtraction, but I know there is so much more we are expected to do in third grade.
   We have been studying about energy, and students started experiments. First it was all play for them, but after a visit from a high school science teacher, they are serious about collecting and recording data.
Listening to their talk and looking at the written/drawn pieces they have created and the experiments they are conducting, I can see young scientist growing their knowledge and understanding. Yet, I often doubt whether as a school we have pushed some concepts to age levels when the students are developmentally not ready yet to grasp the concepts. I also worry if I have given them enough time to explore, enough authentic opportunities to learn. According to our school curriculum I should spend more than half of my day with inquiry. Since I see that my students need strong support in improving their math and literacy skills, I have devoted more time to these. And it still feels that the days and weeks are too short for teaching and learning.
   Overall my students are sweet. They play together. They learn together. Everyone is included. We solve problems together. They forgive each other. Yet, we still have the continuous problem of loud voices, the need to speak constantly and at the same time, the eight-nine-year-old silly boy language, the need to tell on others and not notice own behavior mistakes. I know its all developmental, and not all dependent on my actions and words, but I still feel that I am judged by the way the third grade students behave at school.
   I have learned to celebrate what goes well and letting go of the need everything to be perfect. But I know I will always, always have the worries and doubts. I sometimes wonder if life would be easier if I had learned more to bang on my chest for the good things.

One thing I have learned well, and it is vital for staying healthy, is to take breaks when I don't think about school and focus on life outside of it.

You can see more of my classroom here.