I have found out that it is possible to change the blood driven behavior.
As a teacher I have sharpened my look for student successes and growth, and I have acquired a long list of positive reinforcement phrases. I can make a celebration because an English language said his first word or someone who doesn't like writing wrote more than three sentences. This comes easy.
I have made some noticeable progress in adult relationships too. I have worked in an international environment for so long that my vocabulary, confidence, and expressiveness has increased to a degree that I can approach parents with a broad smile and honestly say, "You have done a wonderful job preparing this International Day. With your busy schedules you have found time to organize all the activities, bring in food, and prepare a concert. I enjoyed all of it immensely. Thank you so much for this wonderful day." It comes rather naturally already.
If I did the same with my fellow Estonians, they would worry about my mental health. Baby steps are the best. We have practiced together at school and now our common vocabulary includes "This was pretty good" and "Thank you for your help." Sometimes we give small chocolates or candy to each other. We have not made a big deal about it. We do it casually.
Recently I was a risk taker and dared to go against my nature. Inspired by different slices of gratitude I have read over the past few years, and endless flow of amazing Pinterest ideas, I decided to make some thank you cards. I have several people with whom I love to work together. This school year the librarian and the Music teacher have planned, taught, and assessed two units of inquiry with me. We have met before school, they have used their planning periods to co-teach with me in class, and we have assessed student work together. A simple thank you didn't feel enough. I made the cards, added a little gift (I have a relative of a relative who makes soaps), and with a hug gave my thank you to them. Since they have practiced changing their Estonian habits as much as I have, they were able to gladly accept gratitude.
How fascinating. All cultures have cultural norms that differ. I think we all like to feel appreciated, though. Your homemade cards are lovely.
ReplyDeleteI never realized that about Estonians. It almost reminds me of how a friend, a native of our state of Maine, described people in her town: stoic, hard-working, serious, reserved.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this cultural explanation. It is interesting to learn there is another attitude. Americans tend to think their way is the only way (and the best way) to be. After your description, I now think that my husband must have some Estonian blood lurking in his veins. He can't take a compliment without pointing out the flaws.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing - I would have never known that about Estonians because the comments you leave are so thoughtful and kind and supportive.
ReplyDeleteI hope you accept all the beautiful comments left for you with the same gratitude! (And not think about what you didn't like or could have done better or ... or ... you get my point.)
I laughed when you mentioned that Estonians would begin to worry about your mental health! I appreciate how you are casually thanking each other. I think the card and gifts were perfect! And this slice? It was "not too bad." (Just teasing!) Simply delicious!
So, I have to ask...does a kind word or gesture feel like you are betraying yourself, or does it feel liberating? I don't mean to suggest any culture is more correct than another...I am just wondering what it feels like to behave in a way that is unfamiliar (is that right word) to what you were raised to do...
ReplyDeleteAnd do you live in Estonia now?
I am an Estonian living in Estonia.
DeleteI like the more open and friendly version of me. When I was younger, people didn't smile much, nor did they hug. We shook hands. This has changed also. More smiles and hugs.
I should have probably said that since Estonia became an independent country again, and the world became open, more and more Estonians are breaking the stereotypes.
Like everyone else...I did not know this about Estonians. Very interesting how different cultures are. I learned something new today. Your cards are beautiful.
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ReplyDeleteIs Estonia close to Russia? I was brought up the same way. No one showed flowery sentiments except for hugging and kissing on the cheek. How did that come about? I am constantly watching myself even today to make sure I give credit where credit is due. Beautiful "thank you" cards. Soaps are a fine gift, too.
ReplyDeleteThank for the enlightening slice. I know that are different areas of the U.S. that are more stoic and not accepting. It is always interesting learning of other cultures and I'm glad that you are finding ways to change your outlook. Hugs are good and much needed.
ReplyDeleteYour slice was fun to read. I too loved the line about those who would worry about your mental health! The cards are truly lovely. A fellow teacher was telling her class about the singing revolution a while ago when I was in her room. I had not heard about the singing before! Since then I held a picture in my head of Estonians joyfully and courageously singing beautiful songs. So your comment about people smiling and hugging more now than in the past is intriguing to me.
ReplyDeleteYou learn something new everyday. I had no idea you lived in Estonia. I don't know about others, but you have always had a positive and kind word for me. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThis is one of the most intriguing things I've read in a while. Thank you for sharing this glimpse into a culture I'm not familiar with. A work partner grew up in South Africa and has lived in and visited many places during her life. She and I sometimes like to talk about how things like small phrases or ways of saying things are used or interpreted so differently by the two of us. We laugh a lot, but have both learned a lot too. She would find this post so interesting.
ReplyDeleteTerje, your post is so familiar! I have had to change in so many ways since moving here. All for the better, I think. Your cards are wonderful. Any fellow teacher would be blessed to receive a homemade card!
ReplyDeleteI am struck by this line: "I have found out that it is possible to change the blood driven behavior." There is so much strength and power in that line. It makes me think about the behaviors we are exposed to culturally based on the country, the state, the community, the neighborhood, the family in which we live.
ReplyDeleteIt is a treat for you to give us this insider's glimpse into your culture. Thank you!
p.s. Those cards are adorable!
Thank you Terje, it's been a pleasure hearing about how you grew up and that it is changing somewhat. I see all the possibilities that you are discussing here & am excited about the changes, especially since you are. You make such kind comments It makes me feel as if I were a part of that change. Every layer of our experiences makes us who we are!
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