:: right now ::

Right now I am.....


:: pausing. I got a bit of writer's block with the report card writing. Switching to more pleasurable writing seemed like a good option. 

:: appreciating that my sister sent me fresh peppermint and lemon balm to make the best fresh tea ever.

:: reassuring myself that I will get the report cards done.

:: enjoying the sunlight that has allowed to turn off all the lights in my classroom.




:: getting sentimental because Mimm is graduating from kindergarten this Friday. How did she grow up so fast?


:: getting even more sentimental because Kerstin is graduating 9th grade. 


:: knowing that the next ten days will be busy and hectic and emotions will run low and high. 


:: looking forward to the summer holidays.  8 more school days to go. No big plans.

:: waiting for a cleaning fairy to clean my classroom and sparkle up my home.


:: wishing for something funny to make me laugh. May-be the PYP Play this afternoon will make this wish to come true.


:: wondering why only 4 people commented on my last slice. 


::  thankful that  Soule Mama used this format of writing. 


:: making a mental note to use this format more often)


:: hoping to read some inspiring slices later this week.

For a yearbook (with comments on the writing process)

It caught me as a surprise again like every year that I had to submit a page for a yearbook as the PYP coordinator. The first year I collected ideas from other teachers. I wrote an initial draft and later we collectively improved it. The second year it was a collective effort again.  Last year we used parts of student writing to create the PYP page. This year everyone was so overwhelmed with their work that I felt it was unfair to burden them with something that was my obligation.
Using old yearbooks as mentor texts, catching fleeting thoughts, emotions, and phrases on the journal pages, walking and driving to sort my thoughts - that's how I spent the first week getting ready to write.

Piling e-mails, student work, and added lines to the  to-do-list buried the yearbook writing so deep in my head that I actually forgot it for almost a week. I kind of missed the first deadline. A gentle reminder got me back on track. 
I knew what I wanted on the page. I wanted the key words of PYP - action, reflection, inquiry. I wanted to mention the self-study. I also wanted to include appreciation and celebration. Little snippets started to from on the pages of my journal. I knew that one piece would be a poem by my former student. She grew a lot last year as a writer and I was thrilled this year when she started a blog. 
On Saturday I asked everyone to leave home, and they graciously did so. I sat down and didn't stop until the first draft was finished. Then I played around with the words and order of the text. When it sounded as good as I could get it at that moment, I sent it to my lovely colleagues for revision and editing.  One change was recommended. I had written some as "we" and some as "I" and the suggestion was to make it all "we." My friend edited for grammar and punctuation and then the text was finished. I'd like to share the piece of text with you too. I kind of feel it turned out well.

Yearbook 
PYP 2012

“Mom, batteries don’t belong in the trash. We have to take them to a battery box at school so they can be recycled,” Aarnav ( grade 1) instructed his mom when they were packing and cleaning. Several months ago Aarnav had learned about recycling during a unit of inquiry. Now, he used his knowledge and understanding to take action.

Taking action is one of the five essential elements of the PYP curriculum.  Action doesn’t have to be grandiose or happen during the unit. It can be something simple and often happens beyond the classroom walls.  ISE has a learning environment that supports children to grow into knowledgeable and responsible people who reflect on their learning before making choices and who make a difference in and to the world. 

Reflection is a natural element of the learning cycle.  The PYP students pause to look at what they know and they can do already, how they have grown, what they have learned, what they have created, what attitudes they have shown, and how they can become better. Reflection is a vital part of helping children grow into independent and self-directed learners.

This year the PYP teachers collectively reflected on the PYP at ISE. It took us half a year to conduct and complete the self-study. This half a year was filled with discussions, looking at classrooms and documents, critically analyzing our practices and survey answers, identifying our strengths and planning for the future. This preparation for the evaluation visit helped us to remember that learning is a process and there is always room for growth.

Understanding that learning is a process and anyone can take charge of their learning is a mind-set that empowers learners. This is one of the things the IBO evaluation team commended ISE for - creating a safe and supportive learning environment.  We encourage the students to ask questions, provide time for exploration and experimentation, give opportunities for students to express their opinions and see different points of view, allow them to learn from mistakes, and nudge them to think deeper and accept challenges.

All of the PYP teachers have been amazed and inspired by the knowledge, confidence, and creativity that we have witnessed in the talk, work, and presentations of the students inside and outside the classrooms.  We understand and appreciate the collaborative support parents give to the children. We believe that we can joyfully celebrate learning, and not only at the end of a year or when a big project is completed, but along the way for smaller steps and successes.

Finally, we would like to remind everyone that all learning sparks from curiosity and wondering.  Here is a gift to you from A. (grade 5):

How about opening up a window and wondering the wonders that have never been wondered before?

How about identifying a bird, each and every feather a different color, a different design?

How about looking at trees, seeing their shape, actions and expressions?

How about traveling around the whole world, meeting different cultures, looking at different colors?

Now, how about closing the window and still wondering the wonders that have never been wondered before? 

The best part of the day...

It was over. The team had said their final word. The director and the principal had taken many notes while I just sat there, listening to the commendations and recommendations. The commendations were about our positive learning atmosphere, our hard work, continuous improvement, and thoroughness of our self-study. Most of the recommendations where exactly what we had indicated in our self-study and had already included in our action plan. Now the two visitors were putting on their coats. I wasn't sure what the appropriate etiquette was, so I extended my hand and said thank you to the man. I walked over to the woman with my hand stretched. She took my hand and pulled me closer, "Let me give you a hug. You have done a great job and I wish you good luck for the future."
I felt lifted.

In the morning before the final meeting I had received a letter - a handwritten letter from USA. A thank you letter from a former student who is currently in 6th grade. A thank you for getting her to love reading and introducing Harry Potter in third grade. This letter armored me with a smile for the rest of the day.
It touched my heart.

In the evening I sat on a small chair in a kindergarten room and listened to my daughter singing and reading poetry with her friends. A toothless smile and waving in between the numbers, a giggle and a curtsy -all were part of a performance. After the sweet and short Mother's Day concert she gave me a card with a princess and a bracelet from bottle caps. The sun shone warmly as we leisurely walked home, hand-in-hand.
Love all around and within.

It's about learning

The he IBO (International Baccalaureate Organization) PYP (Primary Years Programme) evaluation team of two had read our self-study and supporting documents, they had been walking around the school, looking in the classrooms, talking to students, meeting with different teachers and teams. Constantly smiling but not commenting on anything. This whole visit is for me like a test. Have I done a good job as a PYP coordinator, moving this school forward? Do I pass or fail?
MAP test results became available this week. What do they say about the children? What do they say about me as a teacher? Have I done a good job as a teacher? Do I pass or fail?
I have a parent meeting tomorrow morning. Their question is whether their child is meeting the standards. For them it is a question of pass or fail. In their eyes do I pass or fail?

"Anything you would like to know?"

After a full day of the team in the school, and the last 45 minutes answering their questions all I could come up with was, "Please, say that we are doing OK."

"Relax. We are not here as inspectors. We are here as colleagues helping you on your path of learning and growth." 

That's when my mind went completely blank. 

It's been an hour since the meeting. I've known all the time that life is not about passing or failing, but it's about learning. I know it, yet there is a need for some affirmation that I am doing a good job.

Why the picture of a dog with this slice? 

Yesterday my students had to turn in a personal project I had given as a homework. One of the ESL students brought her dog in. She spoke about her dog, what he likes, what he can do, how she takes care of the dog, and asked the dog to show some tricks. It had nothing to do with a scope and sequence of any subject. It will not be followed with an assessment rubric. Yet this presentation with all the others was such a pleasure to watch. It wasn't about passing or failing. It was about learning. They all did a super job and I said that to them. 

strings

My middle daughter (15) has been working on this picture for quite some time. It hangs on her closet door and when she has time she continues coloring it. She said that she had no purpose or message in mind when she started. One idea just passed by and she followed it.
I look at the picture and get all sorts of thoughts.

Sometimes I am convinced that I am not a puppet guided by someone else. I make choices. Even when there are things that I have to do or events I can't control happen, I have the choice to how to react or what to do next. I can choose my moves and lines. I can take a break when I need it. It doesn't matter what others expect, I am the judge of my success. I really appear to be independent and free.

Sometimes I know that the invisible strings guiding me can't be easily cut. My beliefs, values, knowledge and experiences determine my reactions and actions.  No matter how much I deny it I depend on the approval of audience. I want someone to applaud or pat me on the back.  I want to know that I am doing the right thing.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if my mom would have taken me to a ballet school when I was a child.

Is  the dancing puppet happy?
Is the girl playing with the puppet happy?
Is the mom of the girl happy?

Every week I read the Big Fresh Newsletter from Choice Literacy. There are small and big ideas to take with me every time.
When people share links to TED talks, I take the time to watch those. There are small and big ideas to take with me every time.
Today I received two-in-one when Big Fresh shared a link:


What's the link between attitude, stress, and happiness? Shawn Achor shares the happy secret to better work in this fast-paced TED talk: 


The Happy Secret to Better Work


Some commenters on the TED page want to argue with the presenter or question his motives. I join the crowd who enjoys his fast speech and jokes and agree with the notion that we can make ourselves happier through the way we look at the world and by doing some simple daily acts. Journaling is one of them.

a hugging game

"Now we are going to play a hugging game," said Mimm (7) with a radiant smile.
"Ok. Come over, lets hug," I agreed gladly from the deep embrace of a couch.
"No, no. We are going to play a game. You will sit in the end of the long hallway, I will run to you as fast as I can, and then we'll hug," she explained and started bouncing with anticipation and excitement.
I didn't have even a fraction of her energy. The tiredness had conquered my body. All I wanted to do was basking in the sunshine and lying lazily like a snake on a rock.
"Can dad play with you?" I asked without thinking. As soon as the words were out I regretted them.
A cloud of disappointment covered the spark in Mimm's eyes. The joy defeated form her, the bouncing stopped.
It was true that I had had four days of intensive workshops behind me. It was true that I hadn't had much sleep the night before. It was true that I had no wish to move myself. It was also true that Mimm hadn't seen me for the last four days.
The truth had just crushed Mimm's enthusiasm.
"Sorry. Of course we will play," I tired to rescue the situation.
It took a flicker of a second and my sunshine girl returned.
She stretched her arms and wrapped her warm fingers around my hands and pulled gently to help me off the couch.

confused at a higher level

The workshop leader smiled and looked at the 25 international school educators on the third day of the conference*. “When you came you felt confused. You feel confused now. But you are confused at a higher level.”

I like being confused at the higher level.

People showed sympathy when I said I would spend my spring break at a conference. They shouldn’t have.  This was the emotional and educational energy boost that I had craved for. Over the last two conferences we had become a close trusting community of learners and friends. Even though the days were tightly packed with reading, listening, observing, discussing, visiting classrooms, conferring, debriefing, coaching, writing, looking at student work, inquiry, assessment, and reflection, we still found time to share our stories, successes, questions, and worries. We listened, hugged, understood, answered, congratulated, celebrated, affirmed, encouraged and empowered each other. We laughed together.

In the end you always have to choose what is the one thing you will take with you. Not an easy task. My notebook was filled with underlined, circled and highlighted ideas that I wanted to remember. One thread kept running through many of them, building on my previous learning.  Listening was my focus after the last conference. This time it is going to be questioning. Still not sure how and how much and with whom, but at school I would like to try

to ask questions that elicit deep thinking and thorough answers

to use questions to keep the focus on student work and learning

to choose questions that consider the stages of development and stages of concern to have some standby questions ready when my mind goes blank

to monitor that even when I ask questions the one who answers has the ownership of the conversation

When we departed we wished each other wonderful summer because we wouldn’t meet again until next November.  I wish that summer would start.  However (there is always however) I have to return to school tomorrow. There are lingering issues, MAP test, and IBO evaluation visit waiting for me in the near future. Stress is guaranteed. I can make it because I have my learning buddies and writing friends to catch me. I know I will be learning and growing because I feel confused. Confused at higher level.




*This was a third conference for the European Literacy Coaching Cohort 3

What if she was right?

Stay in the now.

Smile back to the sun.

Greet the first yellow butterfly.

Breathe.

I try and try,

But all I want to do is cry.

What was said on Friday morning can never be taken back.

The words were dark, heavy and accusing.

Not a grain of positive.

Not a grain of hope.

My guards were down.

It hit me right in the heart.

Let it go. Let it go. Let it go.

Spread the yoga toes.

Count to five and breathe in.

Count to ten and breathe out.

It's not helping.

The scariest of what if-s has seized me.

What if she was right?

What I have done is not enough, not enough, not enough.

Counting my blessings.

Counting my successes.

I am who I am.

I still want to cry.

Even chocolate doesn't help.

Where is the lesson in it?

What is the solution?

I must do something.

I will figure this out.

And stop crying.

The sun is warm.

virtual me

Deconstructing myself to fit on my fingertips

clicking on the keyboard letter by letter.

Reconstructing myself to fill the screen

with version of me looking better and better.

In the virtual world to be liked, pinned and tweeted

Using fonts, size and color I make sure I am seen.

I can hide, delete, highlight, show some pieces in bold.

I am not a copy-paste person, but is this true me?

Painting slices of life, revealing my soul and mind,

yet you can't touch me or hear my laughter or cry.

Am I adding a dimension or thinning my life

letting everyone meet the revised and edited "I"?

student-led conferences and expectations

Student-led conference day in spring is one of the most stressful and one of the most joyous days of the school year. It's a day for the students to show their parents who they are as learners, how much they have learned and grown. Portfolios are filled with work and reflections. Activities are on the tables. The students have half an hour in their homeroom to show Literacy, Math and Units of Inquiry work. Then they have another half an hour to take their parents around the school to specialist classrooms.

I almost cried today when I saw how the students took charge and parents listened. It was powerfulAll the students are at different places in their learning journeys but they all have learned this year. I just hope that the parents let go of their expectations and truly celebrate the effort and growth.

Expectations can be tricky. You can't do without them but sometimes in our (parents' and teacher') eagerness we set the expectations so high that in the end we focus on what hasn't been achieved yet rather than what has been accomplished already.

For the Unit of Inquiry about religions my third and fourth graders had to pretend they worked in a museum and had to create a flyer for a religion of their choice. We had had four units of inquiry before where the librarian and I taught them research skill, reading and writing non-fiction, writing bibliography. Of course we hoped the children would produce magnificent work.

When the students started turning in their flyers we wanted to hold our heads and cry because it wasn't anywhere close to what we had imagined.

I am glad I had sense to invite a fifth grade teacher to listen to the presentations and assess the flyers. He was impressed with the work. Of course there were some that could have been better and some that clearly had input from parents but most of them were very well done, showed that the students had used different resources, had read the information, picked what was important for them, wrote it in their own words, and organized it into a flyer.
I hope that throughout the day the parents will see what has been accomplished and not focus on what they wish their child could do. Third and fourth graders have many years of school ahead to build on the skills and knowledge they touch in primary school.

I don't have to write today

Slice of Life Challenge 2012 Reflection

To write a thorough reflection I need time and quiet. Neither of which are available today. At the same time I would like to put at least my initial thoughts down.

I was surprised when I looked back to this month and discovered that the "I" ran through my posts often. Then again may-be it is understandable because even if I try to ignore turning 40, the roundness of the number nudges to look inward. Another reason may be that before I can listen to others I have to listen to myself. Writing about myself was selfish but necessary for growth.

This year's challenge was harder than last year. Coming up with the ideas and typing was faster. It was harder to be happy with what I wrote. My own expectations were higher. I experimented and revised less. I wasn't as playful and fun as I wished to be.

Some of the slices were not written because someone else wrote similar thoughts in eloquent manner. I left my "slice" in the comment section. At some point I felt that everything had been said already. Am I repeating myself? Or did I read someone else saying this before? The likeness of the lives and thoughts was comforting. At the same time I felt that I was blending in and becoming unnoticeable. Having friends who kept coming back to see what I was writing helped to ease that feeling.

I have this strange friction of thought. I absolutely love to hear the positive about my writing. At the same time I grew up in a culture where people were modest with praise. Actually you were more likely to hear criticism and hearing some one say: "Not bad" was already considered a compliment. I am afraid that hearing the positive will put my head in the clouds and then one day I will be hit with the truth and brought back to earth with a thump. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else but me.

No matter what I feel right now, I know I will be back on Tuesdays. I want to continue my growth.